Hiatus

Above: Rocky shoreline in Victoria! Gray weather as usual...

Hello friends!

So I'm back from my practicum in Victoria. I think it went well. It was just challenging enough that I was learning and growing but not so challenging that I couldn't handle it. My trainer was a wonderful lady, patient and a great teacher and I enjoyed getting to know her over the 4 weeks I was there.

Staying with my good friend was fun, but it was starting to get old by the end -- only because being a guest for that long in someone else's home is difficult, for me at least (I'm a hermit!). She kept saying it was absolutely fine that I was there and everything, and her husband was totally ok with it too but I just started to feel like I was overstaying my welcome, you know? I know they'd think I was ridiculous if I told them that because they honestly liked having me there and didn't think it was any trouble. But still, there's something about having your own space that is more comfortable.

It was nice to come back and see my Fox again. We Skyped almost every night, so we were in regular contact, but it's hard to not see your partner in person for that long. I do not envy those in long-distance relationships!

So the next step is to get a job, of course! I have fairly high hopes that the place I did my practicum at will hire me. My trainer and the other staff there at the lab I was at all had only good things to say about me (and they kindly emailed the people in charge to tell them that too). The company will be hiring in the next couple of weeks for start dates around the beginning of May. So the Fox and I have started looking for places in Victoria to rent starting May. I think we're giving our notice at our current place tomorrow... going to take a chance and try and get things moving! If we don't end up finding a place that is suitable for us both in time, I will find a furnished room to rent for just myself for one or two months and the Fox will stay with his parents while I work in Victoria and continue hunting for a place. Not ideal but it's the best solution we can think of at the moment. Of course, it all depends on whether I get a job or not! Let's hope so.

To tell the truth, I'm thinking of pulling the curtain on this blog, or at least going on hiatus. I haven't really felt like writing publicly for whatever reason, and I'd like to give journalling a try instead. So, this might be my last post for a while. Seems fitting to stop at a time of big changes somehow!

Thanks as always for reading and sticking with me, friends :) Until next time!

Stranger in a Strange Land

Above: rocky coastline two minutes from where I'm staying.

Good morning, friends!

The time has come. I've made my trip over to Victoria and have settled into my friends' lovely house, where I will stay for the next four weeks as I complete my practicum. I came over on Friday night, and have spent the last day and a half just settling in and figuring out where everything is (though I'll still rely on GPS for the first week probably).

Tomorrow is my first day of practicum! I'm excited and nervous. I scouted out the location I will be at, and it's very nice. It's within a medical office building, which I didn't realize until I got there and looked around, because there's not much signage. Good thing I figured that out before tomorrow!

Today I wanted to go find some nice woods to walk in and commune with nature a bit, but apparently it's supposed to snow... though I don't see any yet. I think if it's still ok out when I'm done this post I'm just going to go. I hate sitting inside all day and I want to get outside and start taking advantage of the natural beauty around here.

The friends I'm staying with are a military couple who live in military housing. It's a lovely area at the end of a cul-de-sac, and as you can see from the photo above it's almost right next to the ocean. They very generously agreed to let me stay here with them for the duration of my practicum. I would have had to find somewhere to rent otherwise.

I didn't bring the Fox with me; not only did I not want to impose upon my friends, he is also doing some house-sitting for my parents, who happen to be away in Mexico for half of the time I'll be gone. He has been doing a little more contract work, which thankfully has been keeping us out of the red. If I get a job right away (knock on wood) I think we'll even be ok for money.

I miss him already, though. It's always a little weird staying at other people's houses and trying to fit in with their routines and habits. Usually, whenever I stay with friends, I'm a little bamboozled by how most people seem to have their TVs on constantly, just blaring away, even if they're not really watching. I think this is a really common thing to do actually; it's just that it's something that I've never done. I think I'm a bit sensitive to noise, and obnoxious TV commercials or constant loud shows kind of set me on edge. Not that I'm complaining, I mean, I am staying in their house for free! And I have my own guest room, so it's not like anyone's forcing me to listen. It just makes for a different atmosphere.

I have my own habits that I'm sure others would find irritating, like constantly being on my computer. So I'm not passing judgement or anything; people should live their lives however they want. It's just getting used to the little differences that makes you think about why you do the things you do.

Anyway! I'm very grateful that they're allowing me to stay. I think I'll make them dinner tonight, as they've fed me for the past two evenings.

They have two nice cats -- I'm allergic to cats but my allergy pills seem to be keeping the symptoms away for the most part. They are very tidy and vacuum a lot too, which really helps I think. The cats seem to have accepted me as family already, and like to sit in my lap whenever I sit down. Makes it hard to get up and get a cup of tea!

Looking outside, it's not raining, but it seems awfully windy. I am not sure if I want to risk getting soaked somewhere... maybe I'll just wander to the shore for a minute. As long as I get some sort of fresh air. There are a lot of deer around here; they wander through the yard at all hours. Just this morning I saw two of them in the backyard, munching on grass or moss, and I saw two eagles overhead at the same time. Super cool.

I'm going to keep this short for now, because I have to pee and I am hungry! Time for lunch and the possibly going outside.

I'll update again once I've started my practicum for real!

One more note: as for the thing I keep constantly mentioning -- the whole artist-nemesis thing -- I realize now that I'm obsessing over it to an unhealthy degree. I'm not going to write about it anymore and I'm going to try not to think about it, because really there's nothing to think about. What other people choose to do should not affect me, and that's the simple truth. If I write about it again feel free to slap me! I'm going to try and concentrate on my own life and my own goals from now on instead of this constant comparing myself to others, etc.

So! That's all for now, lovely readers. Thanks for sticking with me this long (all three of you)! :)

Merry part!

Frosted flakes

Above: An unusual amount of snow on the golf course...

Good afternoon, friends!

It's been over a month since my last post. I've been very busy with school, just like I said last time... still true though! My Christmas break ended up being much too exciting for my liking. Had to take the Fox in to the ER because of a bad reaction to a prescription drug (he's fine, but better safe than sorry),  and we also both came down with an awful Norovirus, lovingly given to us on Christmas by his family. Argh... so all the stuff I wanted to get done didn't really get done. However, I've made up for a lot of it by being productive on the weekends, in terms of getting rid of stuff, organizing, and starting to pack up stuff we don't need on a daily basis, like decorations.

I want to be ready to move on short notice if possible, because everything is still up in the air as far as the next couple of months. I'll be going to the island for my practicum in a matter of weeks, possibly (as far as I know, it's supposed to start February 20th, but I need to ask my teacher to double check for me because the other students who are doing their practicums at LifeLabs are starting later). And if I get a job right away (I hope!), I'll then need to find a place for us to live as soon as possible so I don't have to impose on my generous friend too much.

So, I'll have to juggle some stuff for the next little while. Can't wait until things are more settled! I like stability...

I've been thinking about art a lot lately, probably because I haven't had time to do any. I know that I probably need to wait until I graduate and get our situation sorted out before really getting back into it, but I've been doing a bit of sketching yesterday just to see if I still remember how to draw (not really). Haha.

I know that I need to figure out what direction I want to go in artistically. Up until now I have mostly just done wildlife art, but ultimately I want to do something more unique. I want to make more conceptual or symbolic art, not just drawings of regular animals doing regular animal things (as fun and pleasing as those can be). I think some self-reflection is in order for that. The Fox has been getting into the Tarot and other such pagan stuff recently, and it makes me want to get into it deeper too. The art I usually admire the most is rather totemic or symbolic, so that makes me think that that's the direction I should also take mine in.

That, or a whole lot of bird art... I don't get tired of drawing birds...

Anyway, on a related note -- I never sent that note I was talking about in my last post. "But why?" you ask? Well, I had every intention to... and then I went over to said friend's house to have an art date with her and another mutual friend, and I remembered why I ever had a problem with her in the first place. I can't support her work because her ego is too big for it, and she cares more about the number of Instagram followers she has than about the actual quality of her work...

Ok, that sounds harsh, doesn't it? You might think I'm still just being jealous and petty. But, hear me out. This is a person who is styling herself to be an expert after doing art for less than a couple of years. Seriously. Our mutual friend, who is also an artist, expressed the desire to try out some watercolour painting. Before I could even say a word, the first friend launched into a ten-minute lecture about which brand of paint is the best, which pigments are necessary and good, which paper is good to use and which sucks, which palettes are the nicest (she herself has one that cost over a hundred dollars -- for a piece of plastic!!), etc., etc.... and then instructed our poor mutual friend to begin by making pages and pages of swatches, a most useless exercise if ever there was one.

I kept my mouth shut -- never mind the fact that we all know I've been doing this for many years. My opinion was not asked for, so I did not give it. Rather, I quietly worked on my own painting, and within a few hours I had made (if I do say so myself) a painting which was more skillful than anything my friend has done. And I'm not saying that because I think I'm better, I'm saying it because it's true. No amount of watercolour skill or practice can hide a structurally unsound drawing. I have put in more blood, sweat, and tears, and therefore my work is of a higher standard. This friend of mine is doing her best to seem knowledgeable and professional by focusing on the tools of the trade, and by making sure she has the best quality of everything, but really, the tools do not make the artist -- you have to put in the effort, time, and passion. I think her reasons for doing art are questionable. She doesn't seem to care about the quality of her drawings, which is baffling. I can't support someone who tries to pass off work like that as professional. It's like putting a new coat of paint on a poorly built, crumbling house and trying to sell it for more than it's worth...

I don't know. I just suddenly realized as we sat there and as she bestowed her "wisdom" upon our mutual friend that she cared more about appearances than the actual craft. And that was repellant to me. I got to thinking, what if she actually had to have a job to pay the bills, instead of relying on her partner? Would she still do art in her spare time? This is something she picked up for the first time in the last few years. How can you suddenly have a passion for something so new to you? Wouldn't you have at least had an interest in it beforehand?

Not that I'm perfect, either. I know that I can be proud and stubborn (obviously!), but I like to think that I don't do art simply for the attention. It's something I have done all my life...

I don't know. I'm confusing myself all over again. It's not healthy for me to think about this so much. Logically, I know that whatever this friend does has no effect on me or my own work... but it seems to eat away at me. Maybe because I am not so good at the business side of things, and that is where she is better than me. You can market anything if you're good enough at marketing. Maybe I'm just frustrated that quality and effort don't seem to matter to the general public. If you put enough pretty colours on something, it can look great to the eyes of those who don't know anything else...

Obviously I haven't gotten anywhere with myself. I keep saying I'm getting closer to getting over this whole thing and it keeps coming back to bug me again! If anyone has an opinion, please feel free to share it... I feel like I could use an outside viewpoint or two...

I suppose have some more self-reflection to do in that regard. (This blog has best remain private and anonymous, now!!) In other news...

It's been snowing... a lot! As you can see from the photo at the top, there's a white blanket over everything this weekend. I managed to rear-end someone on Friday and smack up our car a little... everything still works, but the hood is bent and the headlight is cracked. I was so upset. Like, really upset. I love that car, and we really can't afford any repairs right now (no income, and all that)... arrgh. So, I'm less than pleased with this snow.

The Fox has another short-term contract (hence me trying to drive us both to work/school on Friday), which is great. We might actually be able to survive until I get a job now. Yay!

I've been trying this low FODMAP diet again, but sticking to it more this time. I think it might actually be helping. I seem to have less abdominal pain because of it... I need to stick to it for a few more weeks, I think, and then try reintroducing some foods. The first thing to reintroduce will be dairy, because I don't think dairy is a problem for me. Wheat will be next. Celiac disease, as well as IBS/Crohn's, run in my family, so if that is any indication, I might be sensitive to that.

Anyway, it's good that I've been mostly able to stick to it. Of course I haven't been perfect, but I've been pretty good.

Let's see... only a few more weeks of school, and then practicum. It seems like it's gone by so fast (probably because it has, being a 6 month program). I am actually excited to get back into the workforce (she said optimistically), because that means I won't have homework and studying anymore, which means that I can get back into all my hobbies and things. The Fox and I want to take some sort of creative writing class once we're all settled wherever we end up (hopefully either Victoria or the east coast of the island). I really like writing, actually. I seem to need some outside motivation for it, though... I never know what to write otherwise. I do have some half-formed ideas for novels, but I don't really know how to pull them together. Maybe a class will help with that.

And of course, getting back into my art. And getting more into the Tarot reading and witchy stuff. My poor pagan blog has been sadly neglected...

So, lots to do, and lots to think about... as usual!

That's all for now, I need to do my laundry and have a shower and possibly venture out on foot to go get some milk for us tea. I hate having almond milk in tea...

May the snowflakes fall gently upon thy head and may icicles not form on your nose!

Old man winter

Above: Fuzzy Christmas lights...

Good evening, friends!

It's been over two months since my last update. I'm sorry!! I know that's a long absence, but honestly, I have been so busy with school that I haven't had much time to do anything at all besides homework and keeping up with household duties.

Hope everyone is enjoying the Christmas season! Only five more days (and I just started making my gifts... yikes)! We have actually had quite an unusual amount of snow so far. It rarely snows much around here, being a temperate rainforest type climate... but something about this year made old man winter want to come out and shake his cane at us. I have had some interesting experiences with the car the past couple days. No winter tires, so really shouldn't be driving in it at all, but sometimes you just have things to do that need the car, you know? Thankfully, everything worked out in the end and I managed to not get stuck (well, not very stuck anyway). Had a very angry pedestrian scream at me because I literally couldn't see the lines of a (randomly placed) crosswalk and so did not stop to let him cross. I mean, yes it's my fault, but screaming at me because I don't have x-ray vision?

Anyways... weather!

I am several days into my 2-week winter break from school and it's been lovely so far. Finally some time to properly relax and rest.

Lots of news to catch up on. I guess the most interesting thing is that I know where my practicum in the spring is going to be. After thinking it over, I decided that the private lab (rather than the hospital) is my ideal workplace, and our instructor told us stories about the last class and how one student requested to be placed on the island because she wanted to move there to work. I decided to try and do the same thing if I could, so I talked it over with the Fox and we both agreed that we want to move to the island sooner rather than later. I then just talked to my instructor and she was able to immediately get in contact with her connections at the private labs in Victoria, who are apparently very happy to host a student from my college. It seems that there is a shortage of MLAs over there (and potentially too many of us over here competing for jobs), so the college they have over there can't keep up with the demand. Perfect for me!

So my practicum will be on the island (specifically, Victoria). Whee!

I am very lucky this worked out, and that I have a good friend living there who has a spare bedroom and has generously agreed to have me stay there for the 4 weeks of my practicum. I'm not sure how I would manage it without her help. Our plan is for the Fox to stay here and keep our current place in case I don't find a job over there right away. However, from what I've researched with the private lab company (LifeLabs), it's reasonably likely that I'll at least get a casual position right away (assuming my practicum goes well and I do well at it), meaning that I would get whatever hours they have to spare until such time as a more stable position is available. And once I do secure a position, I can find us a place to live and we can properly move over there for good.

That's the tentative plan, anyway. A lot depends on whether or not I get a job right away, so I'm hoping that will happen. I need to work very hard at school to maximize the chances of that occurring. The lab's interview is somewhat rigorous, or so I've heard. I need to study those specimen tubes and lab tests... and practice those ECGs...

But I feel pretty good about everything, and my instructors seem to think I'll be fine, so I am not too stressed out. Some of my classmates are kind of feeling the burn with our somewhat large workload, but I am lucky to have: 1) no job, thanks to the support of my parents and those of the Fox, and 2) a brain that is used to long hours of schoolwork from 3 years of intense university. Also I suspect my brain is well suited to this kind of work. I've always been a good student, but I keep surprising myself this time around; I'll think I'm not prepared for an exam at all, and end up getting 90-something percent on it. Maybe I'm soaking up more things subconsciously than I realize. I don't think I'm a harder worker than my classmates at all. I'm just lucky to have the kind of brain that picks up this kind of stuff easily, I think.

I think for me the challenging part is more the practical stuff. I'm fairly good at the phlebotomy, but I do believe it's my weaker area (rather than the theoretical/academic stuff). The Fox came in as my guest to get poked (we are allowed to bring willing victims to practice on) and I wasn't able to collect his blood, as he has extremely challenging veins (that I could barely detect with my fingers, let alone hit with my needle)! Luckily, he has generously agreed to let me try again, and until I find his veins, too. What a nice Fox I have.

Speaking of whom, I do have some rather disappointing news on that front. The second disability application was declined. I don't even know what to say about it. I wanted to cry and smash things at the same time when I found out, yet another part of me is so jaded with the whole thing by now that I can't muster up enough energy to care about it too much. I don't know what the government thinks he's supposed to do. He hasn't been able to work for over a year now and they seem to think his condition is still not "severe and prolonged," and that because he was able to get a temporary contract, that there's no reason he shouldn't be able to work in that field and support himself that way.

There are loads of reasons why he can't do that (most significantly, he has an actual, chronic, seemingly untreatable medical condition which actually interferes with his ability to work consistently). I can't even go into it any more because I will get too angry and frustrated and there's just no point. From the get-go he's been screwed out of what the government should, by rights, owe him (seeing as how he has paid into all those programs like every other taxpayer).

So instead of beating a dead horse, we've been trying to think of other ways that we can keep body and soul together. Moving to the island (hopefully) is a step in the right direction, as housing is cheaper over there and there seem to be more job opportunities for myself. The Fox has been exploring other ideas of making income, and has had some promising conversations recently with a game developer he met at a networking event. So, hopefully that will go somewhere. To be honest, I don't even mind if he makes money or not. I just want him to be happy and fulfilled and have things to do that he enjoys and finds satisfaction in. I don't care if I'm the breadwinner. I know he would do the same for me if I were the one with the disability, so turnabout is fair play. He is just as frugal as I am, so it's not like either of us spend resources freely (she said, carefully keeping to herself the fact that she needlessly bought herself a delicious creme brulee frappuccino yesterday).

Anyhoo... so that's the most exciting and significant news of the moment, I suppose!

In other news, I have recently had the dubious honour of cutting someone out of my life. I won't go into too much detail, but basically it was a friendship that had turned toxic for me. The friend in question turned out to be an emotional vampire, something which I had never dealt with before.

"Emotional vampires are called emotional vampires because they have a tendency to drain the emotional energy out of everyone they come in contact with. They’re exhausting. They need constant attention. They always have some crisis or major life event. They’re experts at eliciting emotional reactions out of others and then feeding off those emotions, regardless of whether they’re positive emotions or negative emotions." -Mark Manson

That pretty much describes exactly how our friendship was progressing. I was finding it exhausting and draining -- and even though I knew that this friend usually meant well (I think), I could no longer handle the constant crises, the ups and downs, and the endless pleas for help.

I wasn't really happy to cut off things with this person, but I really felt that it was necessary for my own sanity and health. The Fox has had dealings with toxic people before and he agreed that this was absolutely the best decision for me. I don't know if I could have done it without his support. This friend was an expert at certain methods of manipulation, and I was often feeling so empathetic for them, that I did things I didn't want to do or didn't feel that I should be obliged to do.

Once I realized what was happening I could see it so much more clearly. How I was subtly positioned into a space where if I disagreed, I would be the bad guy. How I was praised so much for performing favours, that I kept going back for more. Good gods! It made me learn a lot about myself, too. Some things that I wasn't exactly proud of. It speaks of low self-esteem and low confidence when one bends over backwards so far as to break their own back, just to win affection or validation that one is worthy.

So, some things for me to think about, too. I do have a lower level of confidence and self-esteem sometimes. I am not sure why I am this way; I know that modesty was always valued highly in my family, so maybe I just took that to the extreme? In any case, too much modesty is just as bad as not enough, because too much, I think, can overlay a deeper sense of unworthiness that can be dangerous to a person.

So there you go. What adventures I have had recently...

In losing a friend, I have thought more about the friendships I do have that are valuable and healthy. I thought about one in particular in which I have not really been as good a friend as I should, to my shame. I think I've mentioned this friend before (my self-proclaimed "art rival")... I got to thinking about how I have been acting, and how those actions are actually the result of my own dark side. I'm talking about envy, guys. It's not a pretty monster. No wonder it's a deadly sin...

I won't go into it too much, but I have been re-evaluating my feelings towards this person and trying to look at the real reasoning behind it. I have no good reason to act unsupportive to someone who has been nothing but a good friend to me. In fact, I should be ashamed -- and am ashamed -- of some of the things I've thought about the whole situation.

The Fox says this might be a battle I've waged in my own head, so I am not sure whether or not I should talk to my friend about this or not. On the one hand, I really do want to apologize for being a bad friend, because I think I have been -- but on the other, if she truly doesn't realize that I have been a bad friend, then I might just make things awkward by talking about it in depth.

To be clear, I haven't actually done or said anything bad to her. It's just the things I say to the Fox, the bitter, jealous things. And the moral support which I (perhaps nastily?) stopped providing. On the outside, it might really just seem like I've been busy or distant or dealing with other things -- which are all, in fact, true.

I think I might come to a compromise, and just write a small note saying something like "I'm sorry that I haven't been a very good friend lately. I've been dealing with some personal issues but that's no reason to be unsupportive, so please accept my apologies and I hope we can continue to be good art buddies." Something like that... what do you all think? (All, like, two of you?) Just enough detail to partially explain, but not so much as to totally overwhelm my friend and make it seem like I'm a crazy person?

Anyway. Haha. I truly do value that friendship (even more so now that I know what a toxic friendship feels like), so I want to be as open as possible.

Well, I am starving and it's suddenly 11pm, so I think I'll end this here. The poor Fox has been sleeping all day... he couldn't sleep last night, so took his sleeping pills, and they didn't kick in until about 9am this morning. They really give him an awful "hangover" so he's been feeling crappy all day. I've been out and about cavorting with friends, so I feel sort of bad... I will do something special for him tomorrow.

Merry Christmas to you all, lovely readers, and Happy Yule! I hope you are all surrounded by people you love over the holidays, and that you all get some really good rest and relaxation in. I know I will!

Changing of the seasons

Above: The perfect autumn morning on my street... clear days like this are few and far between in this climate!

Good morning and Happy Thanksgiving, friends!

I'm a bit tired, so if I start rambling, I'm sorry. The mice in our walls have been waking me up almost every night with their surprisingly loud chewing and scratching. This morning I was woken up around 8 after not going to bed til after 2 AM (my own fault for going to bed so late, but still... argh!). They've stopped venturing out into our house and seem to be just nesting in the walls now. I don't know what they're living of... I think I'd better talk to the landlord again. I did tell them they were in the walls but they haven't really done anything about it as far as I can tell. Although, I don't think there's a whole lot one can do with mice in the walls... short of sealing the house, filling it with carbon monoxide and staying in a hotel for a week. And that's starting to sound pretty appealing right about now!!

Anyway! A relatively minor inconvenience, though I sure would like to stop being allergic to my own home. Pretty sure it's the mouse dust that we're breathing in that's making us both constantly sneeze/sniffle/be congested.

I realize now I haven't mentioned our recent experience with the hellish rodents in our house. Well, I don't want to go on too much about it, but to sum up... I've lived here for 4 years now and this is the first time I've ever had a mouse in the house. I've heard various sources saying it's a "bad year" for mice (well, bad for us, anyway), so perhaps that's got something to do with it. In any case, we started seeing little droppings around the kitchen and bathroom, and finally we saw the thing scurry across the floor.

We finally managed to catch the culprit using a combination of the element of surprise and sticky traps. It was too wily to touch any of our snap traps or sticky traps until the Fox surprised it one day by coming out of the bathroom into the kitchen while it was on the floor, and it ran straight into a sticky trap out of panic. It turned out to be a vicious little creature! Tried to bite him as he picked up the trap. The sticky stuff didn't actually hurt it, and we were too soft-hearted to guillotine the little beast, so we took the time to drive it out into a park a ways away and fling it into the woods.

I thought that was the end of it, but as it turns out everyone else was right -- where there's one, there's more. Now, we don't see any more droppings, but I hear them!! And it's one of the most infuriating things ever. They seem to live in the wall right behind the head of my bed (of course), so I can hear them doing their stupid chewing directly behind my ears. Ear plugs don't block it out, at all. I have had to resort to using a white noise app on my phone at night (you know, like rainstorm sounds and whatnot), which doesn't always work to block the noise out either, so... it's been annoying.

Anyway. I will talk to the landlord about it today and make sure they know what's going on, because it can wreck the wiring in the walls if it goes on too long. If only we could rent a cat for a week or so...

So, in other news, I'm in school!

My program (which is MLA training, by the way -- Medical Laboratory Assistant training) is going well so far. I'm in a cohort class of 24, and weirdly, we're all female (including all of our instructors). Apparently this is an occupation which does not attract men for whatever reason. My classmates seem like good people; it's an interesting mix of younger and older. I'm somewhere in the middle! There are quite a few women with children who are either coming back to work or switching careers (mostly from the service industry), and some younger women who are looking for a good job or who have other goals in the medical field and want to use this as a stepping stone. There is one other like me, a fellow creative who can't pay the bills with her craft (hers is bellydancing) who is looking for more stable income.

** Notice: the following will contain descriptions of phlebotomy (blood collection), needles, and similar things, so if that bothers you, be warned! I'm not particularly squeamish about it, which is lucky considering my choice of training ;) **

By the way, if you are not exactly sure what an MLA is, they're those people who collect your blood when you go to get a blood test done, or give you a cup to pee in, and that sort of thing. They also take care of a bunch of behind-the-scenes stuff like preparing specimens to be tested and a bunch of organization and paperwork. Basically the lab rats who run around doing all the stuff that the actual lab technicians are too busy to do. Specimen collection seems to be a very big role.

Everyone in my class seems pretty nice, which is good because we will be getting very close to one another in the coming months! And by that I mean we have to practice phlebotomy and ECGs on one another. Yes, we have to poke each other with needles multiple times. Fun! In order to learn how to collect blood one has to actually collect blood from real live people. And ECGs involve taking off your shirt, so there will be no secrets between us all.

Of course, collecting blood is easiest when one has big veins... and I happen to be that one person with the huge, bulging, obvious veins in my arms!! Unfortunately for me, I also happen to be that person who bruises easily and carries that bruise around for eons. My left arm is still black and blue from one of my classmates' learning experiences on my veins last week. Haha.

It's kind of funny, because we had to introduce ourselves at the beginning of the program, and as we got into learning about the anatomy of the arm it became apparent whose veins were the most prominent and visible, and so now everyone knows me as the artist with the glaring veins...

As it turns out, having nice big veins doesn't always mean the phlebotomy will be a success. We had the spring class practicing on us a couple weeks ago and I got poked four separate times without my pokers getting a single tube of blood out of me. Our instructor nicknamed me "Rolly" after that (some veins have the tendency to "roll" out of the path of the needle!).

Anyway, I've drawn blood twice now, on two different classmates. I seem to be fairly good at it so far, though I did have to troubleshoot on both occasions as I put the needle in a little too deep and had to slightly withdraw it to get the tip right in the vein. But once I did that I got the blood flowing.

It really doesn't bother me to poke someone else. I don't really like other people poking me, mostly because I know they're all beginners like myself (and I don't always know who's been paying attention in class and who hasn't)! I trust myself more than I trust other people, I suppose! But our instructors are always there keeping an eye on things, especially with our first few tries at it, so nothing too awful is likely to happen. Besides the nasty-looking bruises of course.

The ECGs are simple to do; they just involve a lot of feeling around for the right spot to put the electrodes (they have to be stuck on certain places between certain ribs and such like). Basically feeling up your patient. Ha. A little awkward, but it'll be fine in the actual workplace.

There's a bunch of academic/written work as well, but it's all practical stuff like learning the names and abbreviations of different lab tests and going over basic anatomy and stuff about the body. I don't think that will be an issue for me, as I've always been good at the ol' book-learning. (She said confidently, knocking on wood.) That being said, I do need to study this weekend! Luckily it's a long weekend due to Thanksgiving so I should have enough time to review what I need to. Providing I keep away from the video games for the most part. Ha!

So all in all, I think it's going well. I do think I've made the right choice in signing up for this program and getting into this field; I had a lot of terrifying thoughts right before I started, like why am I doing this and do I really want to do this and should I be trying harder to become a professional artist and am I giving up on my dreams. A bunch of nonsense. I've talked about this rather extensively in previous blog posts, so I won't go into it yet again, but really, this is the best thing for me.

And guess what -- I am already enjoying doing my art much more! I'm participating in "Inktober" this month (or trying to anyway), where artists all over the world make an ink drawing for every day in October and share it online. I've missed a couple days, but I'm having fun and enjoying it, and that's the important thing for me. Now that I have set aside the "dream" of living off my art, I feel so much less stress and anxiety about it. Really, I don't think it matters how I actually make a living (I mean, as long as I'm not selling crack under the bridge), as long as I keep on doing what makes me fulfilled. I'm back to doing art for myself for fun again, like I did throughout my childhood, and I think that's healthier than doing it for other people for money. For me, anyway. Other artists might love working for others, and that's awesome -- all the power to them! -- but I just want to do my own thing now.

So anyway, in other news, the Fox has landed a contract job! It's not related to either video games or assistive technology, but it is related to technology and programming. It's for a local company who needs a bit of temporary help as one of their employees will be on vacation. And there is potentially the possibility of more work if it turns out to be a good fit. So, yay!

He's pretty happy about it. Of course, since he hasn't been able to work for over a year. The tech field here is really hard to get into if you don't have a certificate/diploma/degree of some sort and the right connections/networking, so it's been hard for him to try and crack into it. This opportunity was actually the result of us giving a ride home to a guy he met at a game jam earlier in the year -- the guy is well connected in the industry and actually called the Fox about the job. See, it pays to give people rides home (as well as it being a nice thing to do)!

It will be difficult for him because of his vertigo but he's told the company about that and they are willing to work with him and see how it goes. They said he might be able to do some of the work from home. Since the company is located very close to my school, I'll be driving us both in the mornings and picking him up after we're done. That worked out very handily! I think it'll help because the bus/Skytrain is really not good for his vertigo and I think it would be very hard for him to have to bus it to work and then try and focus on a screen while the world spins around him.

So anyway, that's good. I hope that it works out really well, because if it does then we won't need to rely on the disability benefits (we just sent off the completed re-application yesterday), not to mention the Fox will feel much more fulfilled and productive. If it doesn't, that's ok too, because even just getting that experience will possibly open the door to more freelance/contract work for him.

Today is Thanksgiving Sunday, but our family dinner is tomorrow. I need to go to the store and pick up some ingredients for the dessert I'll be taking, but I'm afraid. It's going to be busier than Times Square on New Year's... argh...

I should get going though, the sooner the better I guess. I also need to do laundry, and study, and probably have some more tea, because I need tea after those damnable mice woke me up so rudely...

Anyway, that's all for now, lovely readers. I hope you all have a lovely weekend and a great Thanksgiving! Until next time, merry part.

The end of an era

Above: Soaking in that pacific spirit...

At long last, an update!

Very sorry for the absence, readers. I have been busy as usual, except more so, what with my FaerieWorlds trip, trying to prepare for school, working my arse off at work, keeping the house together and getting food in the fridge, getting in some art here and there, working on the Fox's disability paperwork, etc...

And today I have been forced to take a day off everything, by request of my Fox. I'm lucky he knows me so well. He's forbidden me from doing any dishes, or I'd be doing that right now...

So yesterday was my very last day at the grocery store. It was bittersweet, as I've been looking forward to it for a long time and yet there are so many great people there I'll miss seeing every day. My co-workers presented me with a beautiful bouquet of autumn-coloured flowers and a couple of cards. Almost everyone wrote a little message in there for me, which was very touching. I've only been there for two and a half years or so but I guess I made an impression.

The last couple of months at work were very challenging, as I was training my replacement for most of that time. Or attempting to train. I have some doubts about her ability to succeed in the position, but she seems to want to do well, so I really hope she can improve in certain areas. Working with her for that long was exhausting, as she is... I don't know how to day it, really... she is just quite inward-focused and immature, and I think this is her first job. It seems like she has never had to make any decisions for herself or take her own initiative to do anything. Which, to be fair, was me at one point, too. I got over that mindset at about her age (twenty), so maybe she'll get over it soon, too.

She also has trouble with social interactions, to the point where it's affecting her ability to provide the level of customer service that's required of the staff there. And, of course, it was extremely hard to train her when I would spend ten minutes trying to explain something and only get a single nod in response... no interaction or engagement, and I couldn't tell if my teaching was actually doing anything because she didn't say a word about it and I couldn't get her to. The only things she would talk to me about were our mutual interest in certain video games -- and then it was like she was a different person! She wouldn't stop talking about Pokemon Go or Minecraft, but when I tried to bring up anything work-related... stoic silence. It was challenging and frustrating.

She is not a bad person, and I do think she wants to do a good job, but there are some barriers there. My boss was almost ready to tear her hair out (she's not quite as patient as me... or maybe I'm just too nice to say anything). I hope, for all of their sakes, that she manages to get over whatever is making her so shy -- though shy is not the right word, but again, don't know how else to say it.

By the end of it, I had stopped even trying to train, which is a little shameful on my part, but I was just so done with it. It seemed like nothing was sinking in when I had to tell her the same things every day.

Anyway! That's been work for the past while. I'm glad to be finished with that!

And now I am in the short limbo period between working full-time and studenting full-time. I only gave myself a weekend off between the two, ha. Kind of wish I had longer to rest, but couldn't really afford it. We'll be living off the grace of our parents for the next six months (pending the approval of the Fox's disability benefits, which will hopefully happen), and I don't want to beg more money than is necessary...

Speaking of the Fox, he's found a new idea for work that he'd like to look into more. A friend of mine from the pagan group, I'll call him C, is quadriplegic and can only move his head, and his friend N also from pagan group (who came with us to FaerieWorlds, actually) thought that he and the Fox should meet, as they both have similar interests and are sort of isolated by disability. So they did, and became friends. And as it turns out, the Fox knew of some computer programs that would help C use his computer again, which he hasn't been able to do without significant assistance in years. The Fox has previously volunteered with an organization that helps disabled people use computers, so he knew about the programs and everything. So he did that for C, who was absolutely elated. I would be too, if I could suddenly use a computer again after not being able to do so for many years.

It's pretty cool technology -- uses a webcam to track face and head movements, which then connect to computer functions. I tried it out as he was testing it on his own laptop. You kind of move your head around to move the cursor on the screen, and let it hover over something to "click" on it. It's a bit more complex than that but that's the part I tried out, anyway.

So the Fox really enjoyed setting that up for him (he's actually over visiting C again as I type this to give him some eBooks and other media that he can now use), so much so that he had the idea to try and work for (or at least volunteer for) an organization that develops and/or sets up this sort of technology for those who have disabilities preventing them from typical use of a computer.

Wish him good luck on that front! It would be fantastic if he could do that sort of work and get paid for it to boot. He finds it very fulfilling. Which is good, because he is getting disillusioned with the video game industry for many different reasons. Kind of like how I got disillusioned with the graphic design/commercial art industry...

In other news, FaerieWorlds!

It's come and gone for another year. This time, my aforementioned friend, N, joined our party... so it was me, her, my old friend J who came last year, and the Fox. We stayed in a different AirBnB in the same town as last time, and it was nice. The festival itself was great, of course. A bit of a more challenging trip, as N has to sometimes use a wheelchair (when sitting, anyway, to elevate her injured foot), so we had to bring it with us to the festival. But that was fine; we didn't mind helping with that. N is a bit of a hard person to travel with though (not because of the wheelchair), at least for me, because I am a hardcore introvert and a very practical person, and N doesn't really have an "off switch" or the same mindset about certain things like timeliness. I think that if she also comes next year we'll have to communicate more clearly about what we want to do and when, because as it turned out, we were heading to the festival so late in the day for most of the trip that by the time we got there a lot of the stuff would be either over or already started and we didn't have really enough time at the festival itself.

However, we talked about it afterwards and N says that it was lack of communication on all our parts. So next time we need to agree on a timeline or schedule and stick to it so that we all get what we want out of the trip.

J and I have travelled extensively together in the past, so I guess we're already so used to one another's travelling styles that we are a pretty seamless team. Perhaps it was the addition of someone who we don't know as well that kind of threw a kink into things. Now that we all know each other a little more I suspect it'll be easier if we travel together again. Overall it was a wonderful trip. We dressed up a bit this time, in pretty simple costumes... next year I want to make a more elaborate costume. That's what I said this year, but it didn't happen... heh. Next year though!! Hopefully, N will be healed by next time... she is supposed to get surgery for her injury, but of course there's long waiting lists for that sort of thing here.

The Fox had a good time, though he didn't attend the actual festival (same as last year). We did do a couple more things around Portland this time that he accompanied us to, such as visiting the famous Powell's Books, which is an incredible bookstore that takes up a whole city block. And I got to visit a Yankee Candle shop -- I love those candles! They're the same brand I used to sell when I worked at that Candle Shop in Ireland back in 2007 on our working holiday, so it's partly nostalgic and partly the fact that they smell amazing. I spent too much money there, but I had budgeted for it, so oh well! They don't sell them here in Canada, so it was kind of a special treat for myself.

Now that I'm not working anymore (!), I need to be more strict with budgeting. Like I said, we're very fortunate to have our parents helping us out, and I don't want to ask too much of them, so I've made up a budget that we can hopefully stick to.

So anyway... that's pretty much what's new around here.

I start school on Monday. The day after tomorrow!! I'm a bit nervous. Haven't been to school since 2012, and I have never been to college/university for anything but art or art-related subjects in the past, so I am sure it'll be very different to be taking a medical-related course.

I have to wonder if there are going to be people like me there -- and by that I mean former art students, or even people otherwise coming from a totally different field. Or will students be coming into it straight out of high school? I'm thinking the former, as kids in high school are so strongly encouraged to go right into university when they graduate (as opposed to a community college, which I get the feeling is seen as less impressive somehow).

I myself feel proud to go to a community college at the age of 29. It makes much more sense to me to train in a field where there is necessary work to be done, not to just go into something because it's interesting or cool (says the one who went to art school TWICE). Ha! How people change, eh? When I was in high school I wanted nothing else but to be a professional artist... now that I know what that entails (creating for other people), I no longer want that. Now I just want to make a decent living while doing something important that does some sort of good in the world. I'll do my art in my own time for now, and if one day I can sell my own stuff to the point of being financially successful, well, we will see. But I'm fully aware that day might never come, and that's ok. The most important thing is to create art because it's my passion, not because it'll make me rich or well-known.

I could rant more about society and whatever, but I'm pretty sure I've already ranted about that stuff on this blog before, so I'll just stop there. ;)

I think I'm making the right choice. I think. I mean, I do still have doubts. What if I really hate putting needles into people? What if the work turns out to be something I hate?? What if, what if, what if!

I guess you don't know til you try... and nothing is set in stone, so if I actually hate it (I don't think I will, but my brain likes to assume the worst sometimes, just to bug me), there's nothing saying I have to do it forever. But I think it's going to work out. Judging from some of the lab assistants I've been helped by, I'm going to do a darn good job of being personable, at least! (Most of them have been really great, but a couple just seem to have no idea how to make a person feel comfortable!)

Now, off to do some more nothing... I think I will read, or play video games, and maybe make a cup of tea. Sounds like a good way to spend an evening. I will try and relax and get my mind ready to start a whole new chapter of life on Monday morning.

The next time I post, I'll be a full-time student and in the thick of my program!

Cheerio for now, lovely readers!

This and that

Above: Nairn Falls, where we went camping the week before last!

Good morning readers!

Happy Lughnasadh to you all! This festival marks the beginning of harvest season. I can't believe it's already August. I feel like the summer is slipping by way too quickly. However, that's also good for me, because the sooner September comes, the sooner I'll be in school!

I was writing last time about how I left a note for my boss at work and I was worried she might react badly. Turns out my fears were totally unfounded and she was actually really supportive and happy for me. I don't know why I expected anything less; I mean, she is a professional, and obviously cares about my overall well-being, and not just what's best for the store.

I guess I was nervous because of the experiences I've had with past bosses. I've quit a number of jobs for a number of reasons, and usually it was for going back to school or travel, but some I had to quit because they were horrible. For example, I worked at a chocolate shop for a while in 2012/2013. It was a family-owned business, and the owner was also the head chocolatier. He was a very unstable man. I don't know what it is about professional chefs, but I find they're often slightly insane. This guy was obviously passionate about his shop and his craft, but the way he was trying to run it was just totally nuts. Micromanagement to the degree of telling me how to properly wipe a counter, and demanding that I keep a time log of every single task so he could figure out how long it was taking me to do certain things... and I was only a simple barista/sales associate.

I think the thing that bothered me most was that he would pick certain people to pick on, and constantly be yelling at them. One of these people was his wife, who took care of the bookkeeping. I can't tell you how awkward it was to have to stand there while he screamed at and patronized his wife. He regularly drove employees to tears under the guise of trying to "help them". He was a good manipulator; he would tear a person down and make them feel like he was doing it out of love. In reality, he was a controlling, egotistical person who loved to feel like he was a great teacher.

Anyway... quitting that job was extremely awkward. I'd been "promoted" into the office assistant/graphic design position when the one who had been doing that job moved across the country, and I hated it because there was no real training and I had no idea what I was supposed to be doing most of the time. I knew how to do the graphic design, but everything else was just total chaos. At the time my confidence level was not what it is now (I'm still not the most confident person in the world but it's better than it was), and out of a desire to do my job well, I stressed myself out constantly by trying to figure out what to do on my own. It got to the point where I dreaded going to work daily, and that is a horrible feeling.

All the while, the owner was trying to make it seem like a challenge for me instead of admitting that it was chaotic. It's pretty manipulative to appeal to someone's work ethic to get them to try and do the impossible. You know how it is -- they ask you "can you handle it?" or "are you the one to tackle this challenge?" And out of a desire to prove yourself worthy, you rise to the so-called challenge, even though you know it's insanity what you're doing and you can't possibly fix the situation. And then when you eventually have enough and quit... that's when they tell you they're disappointed in you and they're sad you don't want to grow as a person.

Yep, he actually told me those things when I quit. Even though I knew by then that this job would get me nowhere I wanted to be, and it would just cause me awful stress as long as I was there, he made it seem like I was a coward or a quitter. Luckily by then I'd fully recognized his level of craziness and I was able to realize that in fact I was not a quitter, but I was simply someone who no longer wanted to put up with a toxic work environment.

I think the moment of enlightenment was when he took me into his office and talked at me (yes, at me) for over an hour to try and get me inspired to do the job. (He regularly wasted time by just babbling nonsense at his employees for hours on end -- sometimes, ironically, he would waffle about the importance of time management.) He went so far as to try and draw metaphors between the work and my own personal interests. He knew I liked fantasy stories like Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter, and for some reason he used that to try and draw a parallel to the workplace, in order to inspire me to stick with it. I don't remember exactly what he was drawing similarities between, but it was just so weird and out there that I realized he was actually off his rocker.

Walking out of there on my last day I felt a million pounds lighter (and not just because I had to stop eating the reject chocolates)! I actually took a minimum-wage coffee shop job rather than stick with this higher-paying one at the chocolate shop, because my sanity is more important than money. It was a good decision to leave, and even though the coffee shop wasn't a permanent solution, at least it got me away from that hell hole.

Anyway... the whole point being, I guess I was still slightly traumatized by that experience when it came time to put my notice in at my current job, so I was a bit nervous. However, my boss was lovely about it. She gave me a congratulations card and everything. I know she's sad to see me go because, well, I'm a good employee, but she is also a rational and reasonable person and knows that most people don't want to work in retail forever. She also already knew I was on a waiting list for school, so that helped.

So that's that. My last day at the store will be September 16th, as I start school on the following Monday. Yay!

Last weekend I went up to my new school to hand over some documents for my admission requirements (mainly, the proof of my negative tuberculosis chest x-ray), get my student ID, and find my classroom. Since I haven't really been around the campus that much I wanted to at least get a feel for where I'll be heading every day. It's a lot bigger than I realized at first, as previously I'd only seen the registrar's office and information desk; there are several different buildings, and they're really nice actually. I found my classroom within the health care building, where there are mock hospital rooms and nursing units that I am guessing are for the nursing students to train in. My room was full of students when I had a peek in; I guess they are from the January intake.

I've been watching this sitcom called Community which centers around a bunch of students at a community college, so it's kind of funny for me to pretend that it's an accurate reflection of the community college experience (even though it's totally just nonsense -- kind of like how Scrubs is a nonsensical version of what it's like to work at a hospital). I'm truthfully proud to be going there. Like I said in my last post, it feels like a second chance, and it's been years in coming. When I started this blog, I was still working on the prerequisites for the program. I'm so happy it's come to fruition now and I actually managed to get myself here. It feels like a good accomplishment.

Nothing new on the art front... I had a piece in that art show, but it didn't sell, unfortunately. I don't think the gallery is run very well. Turns out it's only open by appointment, so it doesn't really get a lot of traffic. So I'm out almost $90 on that because of the cost of framing and entry fee to the show. Frustrating! I don't think I'll be entering any more gallery shows for a while, at least not at that gallery anyway, and not ones that have submission fees. I feel like galleries are kind of outdated in some ways, and my work isn't really the type that fits in most of them anyway. Most galleries downtown are filled with modern art, landscapes, or first nations art, because that's what sells. And that's totally fine, I mean, artists have to do what's best for them and their work, and galleries are great for a lot of professional artists. For me, not so much. Oh well -- it was an interesting experience, and I ended up getting a little bit of rebuilding bridges done between me and my art friend, as she also had a piece in the show. We connected over a mutual weird-vibes-feeling for the gallery owner, haha.

I haven't had time for much else, but I have also sort of fallen off the wagon again when it comes to my art. I really need to practice and sketch more regularly, because there are certain things I need to improve on if I want my art to look the way I see in my head, stuff like anatomy and style that only comes with practice and study. It always seems that something else takes precedence. If anyone out there has hints on how to get on track with this sort of thing, I'd love to hear them!

I have a couple books I should really read through. There's one on accomplishing goals in 15 minutes a day that I should pick up again. Its whole thing is that even 15 minutes a day can get you much further than you think. And I know it's true, but it's hard to get over the feeling that unless I have a bunch of time I won't be able to get anything of value done. Which is nonsense, of course.

Speaking of getting things done, though -- yesterday was a super productive day for both me and the Fox. I spent the morning with my sister in the forest as she's going back to Cayman soon and I won't see her til next summer. When I came home, I did a cleaning spree because our place was a bit chaotic and I had some friends coming over (the ones who are coming to FaerieWorlds with us this year). It was good -- got all the dishes done, tidied, did laundry... even vacuumed! And all the while, the Fox was working on clearing out his room, which we were planning on turning into an office/studio, but we might leave it as his bedroom now because he tried sleeping on the bed instead of the couch and it worked out well for him. He's been sleeping on the couch because of the vertigo (having the couch back to lean against seemed to help ground him), but recently he has had so much trouble sleeping that he decided to try the bed again, and it seems to be working. So we might just keep that bed around. (We keep each other awake if we sleep in the same bed, and I have to get up so early for work that a bad sleep always makes both of us tired and grumpy!)

Anyway, it feels great to get some stuff clean and tidy around here. I just hate having a messy, chaotic home... it makes me stressed out! Generally, I'd rather just spend time cleaning and organizing and feel better about it, rather than attempting to relax in the middle of a mess.

I really need to mop the floors, but... heh. That's one thing that doesn't really bother me, so it's hard to work up the motivation to do it!

So I did make my new blog for pagan stuff -- here's the link! Only one introductory post so far. I tried to take some notes for a post while we were camping, but I didn't get much done. I want to start with the basics, like the history and meaning of the word "pagan" and why I'm attracted to the whole thing. I'll probably stop talking very much about pagan stuff here from now on; this will just be a general life-experiences blog.

Camping, by the way, was great. It did rain for some of the time, and was cloudy/windy for a lot of it too, but we didn't let than stop us from having an awesome time! Two of my friends came with us, so J drove her car and I drove ours (otherwise, no room for tents and supplies in the car). We camped for 5 nights. It was wonderful to just sit around in nature. We did do a little bit of hiking and such like, but mostly we just sat around and relaxed. Lots of campfires. I made some s'mores for a family from France who were staying in the campground, as they had helped me pump some water, and they liked them a lot. A true Canadian experience! I had fun driving the highway; road trips are fun.

Let's see... what else is new... I guess that's about it for now. I know certain family members have been waiting for me to update this blog so hopefully this makes them happy. ;)

Looking forward to starting school. Can't wait to be working in the field! Hoping that I take to it and enjoy it!!

Until next time, have a lovely day and enjoy the summer!