Wistful thinking

Above: sunset, taken from the deck of the ferry.

***

Hello, fellow travellers! (Ok, so maybe not everyone is travelling... but everyone is on some kind of journey, right? Whatever. I just like that phrase.)

I'm currently on a ferry, coming back from the island on my own, so what better time for a blog post? I spent the past couple days visiting my sister and her family. They are moving to a tropical island next week, so this is the last visit for a while... until next year, anyway. I believe they're going to be coming back to Canada for visits each summer.

It was nice to see them all, particularly my two little nieces, who are bigger every time I see them. They seem to adore their auntie, so we spent lots of time playing little games and stuff like that. My older niece and I had great fun making a one-word-story together... you know, where you write one word, and then the other person writes the next word, and you write the next, and so on. It was about a fairy princess (of course)! She's 6 years old, which seems to be a fun age as far as I can tell. She is the kindest little thing I've ever known. She takes such good care of her little sister, and is so generous with her toys and clothes; she'll gladly share everything. Reminds me of her mother! My younger niece is a little more mischievous... it's said (in my family) that she is more like I myself was when I was a child. Ha. A little bit unique and different...! She likes to wear two different shoes and two different socks when she goes out...

Anyway! I have never really been a kid person, but my nieces are different. Of course. I'm glad I was able to make this trip and spend some time with them (and my sister of course) before they leave.

So I guess the witch is out of the broom closet as far as the whole paganism thing goes... I didn't realize that Facebook would show my entire friend list that I had just attended a pagan group at the Unitarian Church. Haha! Oh well. I haven't had anyone freak out yet. My sister even mentioned something about it without sounding particularly perturbed, and she's Christian. I have a lovely, accepting family.

I didn't end up attending the Mabon potluck that the pagan group held last weekend, because as it turns out, it was the Fox's dad's birthday. I was still planning to attend the potluck instead, and made the food for it and everything, but then I suddenly decided that being there with the Fox's family was more important. So we have been eating a huge pile of roasted vegetables for a week. Oh well! It's always better to go with your instinct, I think, even if it's something that doesn't seem like a big deal. It might be a big deal in some hidden way.

So I didn't end up calling in the North. But I need to practice, I think, so I can get a little more comfortable with... well, talking to people, or talking in front of people, anyway. I don't like a lot of eyes on me, generally, but I feel that it's important to sort of get past that so I can be more confident. I want to be able to stand up for myself and my beliefs better, and confidently disagree with people instead of always being the nice, agreeable one.

Also because I want to be able to comfortably participate in these sorts of rituals and practices. I think there's a lot to be discovered there that I won't be able to learn unless I start being a little more... well, aggressive is the wrong word, but more bold, I suppose.

Ah... we're going through the "active pass" right now, as it's called. In other words, the narrow part of the crossing, when we're surrounded by forested gulf islands on either side. It's incredibly lovely. I hate to leave, actually. Back to reality, and back to the big city, which I am getting a bit tired of! Wish I was more embedded in nature. There are little (and not so little) houses and cabins dotting the rocky shores of the islands. Can I just have one of those?

Oh well. One day. The Fox and I do want to live over here somewhere. I just found out that Saltspring Island has a hospital... perhaps one could work there as a medical lab assistant when one has their certificate for doing so...

I'm hoping more and more that the college on the island will have a spot for me in their program before the one on the mainland does. Just because it'll be easier to find a job on the island if I've already done a practicum there. And it would give us a good excuse to get over there faster!

I know my mother will be sad to read that... but really, it has nothing to do with being farther away from family! Contrarily, that is the thing I will be sad to leave over here. But with the ridiculous real estate prices in our city (the most expensive in North America, or one of the most expensive, I've heard), it's just unattainable for a young middle-class couple to actually buy a house here. It's just insane. Plus, it's simply not the kind of place I want to live anymore. It's a nice enough place, but I'm not into city life anymore. I want to be somewhere more relaxed, more nature-centric, and there's nowhere more like that than the island. And as long as you don't live in Victoria, house prices are way more reasonable. You can actually find somewhere with a bit of acreage for less than a million dollars! That is impossible in the city we come from. I would love to eventually live in a house that has some woods around it, or something like that.

Anyway. Where was I? (I came to the ferry cafeteria to get some fries and kind of lost my train of thought...)

Well, I was all over the map, as usual. One of these days I'll make a post about one singular topic. But it is not this day.

Hoping to get back into the Artist's Way next week. I really want to get going on my art. I've actually been more active with my drawing and sketching lately, which is great. It feels good to be doing it. In part this is thanks to my art buddy, who is busy drawing every single day; it spurs me to do more. And if I ever want to have a body of work that I can start selling as prints, I got to get on it.

I think I've lost my concentration... and the ferry will be docking soon, so I'll just stop there.

Until next time, readers!

Heading into harvest season

Above: I took this photo a few years back as reference for a painting. With the autumn equinox right around the corner, I thought that something with orangey trees would be appropriate! Ten points if you recognize that rock...

***

So, hello, friends!

I have managed to survive a tough 6-day work week. Today is the first of my three days off, and I couldn't be happier about that. The past week has seen me getting up as early as 4:00am for work purposes! Namely, inventory... my boss was away on vacation during inventory day, and someone decided it was a good idea for me to be the one to do it in her stead. Sigh. So, that was fun. It went pretty smoothly actually, all things considered. The toughest part has been the getting up so very early. And not going to sleep early enough to make up for it.

Anyway... I haven't really done much else besides work since we got back from Faerieworlds. I pretty much jumped straight back into the grind. Oh well, have to make ends meet somehow, yes?

So I haven't really talked about the pagan group I've been attending. Well, there's only been one meeting so far, but there'll be another tonight. Every second Wednesday I believe it is. The first one was just before we went to Oregon. I wasn't exactly sure what to expect, but it turned out to be pretty great.

The three ladies who are sort of in charge of organizing the group seem really awesome. They were surprised to see such a turnout -- I think there were probably about ten people who showed up, including me. I did post the event on a Meetup group to get it a little more attention, so that might have been where some of the attendees heard about it.

They cast the circle in a Wiccan fashion, with a little altar set up with candles, athame, etc. They asked for volunteers to invoke the directions/elements, so I got to invoke North (element of Earth). This was actually the first time I've ever participated in any sort of ritual, however simple, so it was a new experience for me. I liked it. There's something about it that appeals to my subconscious, and I don't know if I can really explain it. I did say "unties" instead of "unites" at one point, but I think the North will forgive me for that... ha!

The rest of the group consists of some experienced pagans, and some who are as new to it as I am. I connected with two guys around my own age, I think both college students. One is from Brazil and brings some of his own traditions, which sounded pretty interesting.

We went around in a circle kind of introducing ourselves and telling of what we're looking for in the group. I let everyone know that I'm an artist who is recovering from graphic design school, ha. And that I'm a total newbie when it comes to all this spiritual stuff, but that I want to learn more and hope to use it to also gain confidence.

Why confidence? Well, you see, I have spent some time over the past couple years sort of analyzing where I'm at, where my strengths and weaknesses are, and how I can grow as a person. I've come to the conclusion that I don't give myself enough credit for what I am capable of. (The Fox led me to this idea, too. He doesn't believe in self-limitation or low self-confidence!) I suppose I was raised to be modest, or I naturally gravitate towards modesty for whatever reason, so when I get excessive praise I feel uncomfortable, or I feel like I haven't earned it. When really, I am good at lots of things, and I should probably recognize that instead of brushing it off as luck or saying that anyone could do it. Let's take the inventory at work as an example. Why was it entrusted to me? Because my bosses know I can do it. (Or possibly because I said yes when they asked me to do it. Haha.) They know I am particular, detail-oriented, and thorough enough to ensure that everything is counted and entered into the system correctly, even though I've never done it before.

So why do I try to brush off praise? I guess I'm afraid of looking like an egomaniac. There's nothing more annoying and abrasive to me than arrogance and inflated egos, so I suppose I tend towards the opposite end of the spectrum in order to avoid being that which I hate.

I suppose I need to find the perfect balance between modesty and confidence. I'm hoping that the pagan group will help me with that. I mean, if I can learn to confidently invoke an element during a ritual, and take myself seriously there, I can apply that to other areas of life, too.

Anyway! Turns out that one of the leaders is a professional life coach and motivational speaker, or something like that. I'm not exactly sure what the correct term would be, but it sounds like what she does for a living is pretty relevant to what I need to learn. So that's pretty cool. Maybe she'll share some tips with me!

So today is the second meeting. We'll be doing a little bit of planning for an upcoming Mabon celebration at the Unitarian Church, and then apparently there's a political debate between local candidates that they want the pagan group to attend. Connecting pagans with politics! I can get down with that. I've been following the electoral campaign, and as far as I can tell it's going to be one of the more significant Canadian federal elections. If we don't get the Conservatives out of power we're pretty much doomed to more environmental destruction, which should be a global cause for panic at this point.

I don't want to get too deeply into that, as this isn't a politics blog and I'm no political scientist, but I can totally see the connection between paganism and politics. Respecting and caring for the Earth is a core part of this spirituality and it has never been more urgent as it is now, so we do need to take some action and make our voices heard to the higher-ups.

Anyway... so that's the pagan side of things these days! I still feel a little weird calling myself a pagan, but my beliefs are the same as they've always been. I haven't converted, because I haven't changed my beliefs... I've just applied a label to them. My friends aren't really surprised, haha. They're all good people though and don't care what I believe (as far as I can tell) as long as it's a healthy and safe path. I haven't exactly announced it to my family because I don't think there's a particular need. I'm not keeping it secret, but I'm not going to make it into a huge deal either, because I don't think it is -- to them, anyway. I'm the same person I ever was. My mom knows (well, I gave her this blog link -- hi!), but she's very open-minded and accepting, so she doesn't really care what I'm doing as long as it's not a cult. I'm lucky to have such a good family.

In other news, I haven't taken up the Artist's Way yet -- been too busy with work the past week since we got back from our trip. But I intend to start again. I think I'll turn the morning pages into the evening pages for the sake of my health and sanity. 4:30am is too early. But I do miss doing my artist dates. That was a good reason to take myself on a little solo date. Perhaps I'll do one sometime during my three days off.

The Fox and I want to go to DragonSpace this week -- I'm pretty stoked about that! One of my favourite little magical shops. I do need to watch my spending (Faerieworlds and the trip itself were not exactly easy on the old pocketbook), but we're looking for something in particular.

I guess that's all for now; I have to go wake the Fox so we can meet our friend K at a coffee shop to do some casual sketching. We've kind of stopped life drawing at the studio... it adds up, being $15/session, and it's a bit hard to make it out there sometimes. So we've been meeting up at cafes and surreptitiously sketching coffee-drinkers.

Until next time, lovely people...

Visiting the Realm

Above: one of the twin banners framing the main stage at Faerieworlds! (The other one is a raven in a similar style and pose.) The art was done by the amazing Stephanie Lostimolo, whose work I have admired for years. Actually I own both of those two pieces of art in print form, and have for a while... so it was a pleasant surprise to see them decorating the stage like that. I knew she was a contributing artist/designer for the event but I didn't know to what extent.

***

Well, here I am back at home again! We got back from our trip to Oregon (and Faerieworlds!) on Monday evening. I really wish we had more time there, but... I can't complain, because I was very fortunate to be able to attend this amazing event.

The drive there went pretty smoothly. Our car started to overheat just as we were in the last half hour of the journey, but we managed to pull into a gas station, buy some coolant and top it up enough to be able to carry on. I think we might have some sort of coolant leak somewhere, because we've had to top it up several more times after that. I'll have to ask my dad about it; he's the car wizard! Anyhow, it didn't seem to be anything serious, and it was fine on the way home (we didn't use the air conditioning any more after the overheat because I think that's partially what caused it -- it was a very hot day and we were not only driving for a long time, but we had the air on full blast).

We stopped in Seattle for coffee (went to the original Starbucks) as the Fox had never been before, so that was fun. We did end up missing the Faerieworlds opening spiral dance, which is a bit of a shame, but oh well.

After checking in to our adorable rented cottage (AirBnB is great), my friend J and I left for the first evening of Faerieworlds! I've heard others say that "the Realm" (as they call the festival) always feels like coming home, and I really have to agree. I immediately felt that I was among like-minded people, and I had a sense of kinship. Almost all of the attendees were dressed in costume; we saw fauns, kings, goblins, elves, wizards, and of course more faeries than you can shake a stick at. There were even some of those 4-footed animal costumes (specifically, a griffin-type creature) that have special stilts to make it look like you're walking on all fours. It was really amazing to see how much work everyone had put into these incredible costumes. I actually felt a little silly walking around in "normal" clothes, though of course no one was judging me for that.

There was a wonderful sense of community -- some of the attendees have been coming to Faerieworlds yearly ever since it began 14 years ago. You could tell that people wait all year for this event, to come and meet up with their other family in the Realm.

The actual event was held at a beautiful forested campground called Horning's Hideout (not far from Portland, Oregon), which I would like to visit sometime when there's not a festival on just because it was so lovely. There's a small (manmade?) lake surrounded by a tall-treed forest on all sides. It just added to the experience of being surrounded by magic.

As much as I was glad to have my friend there with me (and she enjoyed it very much as well), I think I might have been more inclined to try and talk to strangers and attempt to meet some new people if I had been there alone. I'm not particularly good at making new friends right off the bat, but I do like to try! But that's ok. Next year (I hope this can be a yearly event for me) I plan to go in costume because it just looked like so much fun. I would like to perhaps make some sort of dragon mask, and pair it with a mage-inspired outfit, to sort of emulate my Skyrim character (an Argonian battlemage). I didn't see any dragon-headed people, so that would probably make a unique and fun costume.

The variety and creativity of costumes was amazing, by the way. I think that is most of the fun for a lot of people -- just getting to dress up as something otherwordly, something magical for a while, and use their imaginations a bit.

There were a lot of free workshops and things too (which I intend to make more use of next year), and so many wonderful vendors selling all manner of handmade and magical items. Costume pieces and unique clothes, handmade incense, ethically harvested wolf and fox skins... all kinds of stuff. And art, too. I would one day love to sell my art at such an event...

And the music!

The music was one of the highlights for me, of course. Faun was just awesome live, and so was Wardruna. I wish I had had the courage to go down to the "mosh pit" and lose myself amongst all the other creatures while Wardruna was playing their stuff. But it was amazing just to experience it live (and it was their first time playing in North America)! I really hope they come back to Faerieworlds sometime. There were a lot of other really good musicians too, some of which I already forget the names of, but I kept the program so I can always take a look at that.

There were a lot of harps, and flutes, and hurdy-gurdies... lots of interesting instruments, and exactly the type of music I really love. There was actually a vendor selling handmade wooden Irish flutes, which I was able to try out. They were gorgeous. Wish I could afford one! But they're a bit out of my price range at the moment. Maybe one day.

So, all in all, it was a wonderful experience. Like I said, I do sort of wish that I was able to reach out and connect with more people there, but there's always next year. There's also a Facebook group which a lot of attendees seem to be on, so I'll probably be more active on that and try to make some more friends to hang out with next time. Not that I minded hanging out with J the whole time (she's one of my best friends), but I think if we don't try and mingle a bit more we'll be missing out on one of the whole points of the event.

Anyway! All in all, totally worthwhile and entirely exceeded my expectations.

The Fox seemed to enjoy the trip as well, though he didn't come to the festival with us, rather remaining in our rented cottage while we were there. I hope that next year he'll be recovered and able to come along with us.

Coming back to reality was a bit of a downer, of course... back to work, back to the grind, back to the daily drudge... but all I have to do is think about my experience at Faerieworlds and I get a warm fuzzy feeling inside. Knowing that there are people out there who are just as nuts as I am, and who like the same sorts of weird stuff that I like. I'm fairly sure there is a high percentage of pagan attendees too. I mean, Faun only had to mention the Horned God and massive cheers and howls would erupt from the crowd.

So that was our trip!

I'm still on too much of a happy cloud to talk about anything else right now, so I'll leave it at that! I have a 6-day work week coming up, so it's head down and plod along for a while. Not to mention I have to focus on refilling my poor, abused bank account...!

Bright blessings! (That's what they say in the pagan circles... I'd like to try it out!)