Peridots and periwinkle blue medallions

Above: peridot and Celtic knot! The engagement of Fox and I.

***

Goodness, it's been a while! Two weeks passed by in the blink of an eye, again. As you can see from the photo, a lot has happened... the most significant, probably, is that I'm engaged!

We've actually been engaged for a while, since summer in fact, but we hadn't had a chance to find rings to make it "official." But we decided that Thanksgiving weekend would be the perfect time to announce it to family and friends, because that's one of the times of the year when the most family gathers in one place at one time. So we went out to DragonSpace (only my favourite little shop ever), where they sell locally made jewellery of mostly Celtic, fantasy, or nature-inspired design. We didn't want to spend a lot of money (we don't have a lot of money -- we don't even have a moderate amount of money, actually!), and I really, really don't see the point of spending hundreds to thousands of dollars on a piece of jewellery because it contains a type of mineral that has been arbitrarily assigned a ridiculously high value.

So you see, I'm pretty practical at times! But seriously; I would rather the money be spent on almost anything else. I think that semi-precious stones are at least as beautiful as diamonds and such, and they are a mere fraction of the cost. Diamonds are really just a status symbol, and I don't need any of that because impressing people with money is just not important to me. I'd rather impress them with my charm and wit, ha. As long as the jewellery is of high enough quality that it won't turn my finger green or fall apart, I wanted it to be as cheap as possible. The Fox agreed too.

You may notice that we both have a ring. Another thumbing of the nose to silly old traditions, ha! We are both equal partners in our relationship. I don't understand why the lady should have a ring while the man doesn't. We're both getting married, aren't we? And I don't understand why the man should be expected to pay for it, too. (Especially if it is a diamond that costs thousands of dollars!) It's essentially proving your love through money. I don't agree with that. Love should be proved through everyday actions and words, and a show of support and affection. An outlandishly expensive ring doesn't prove anything except your willingness to throw money away for the sake of conforming to a silly outdated social custom, in my humble opinion.

Anyway...!

Not sure how I got on that tangent, BUT! The important thing is that we're engaged. :)

I chose an Elvish-looking silver ring with a green peridot. No particular significance to the gemstone other than that it's just a lovely colour, and green to me can speak of new beginnings and growth. I was also looking at some amethyst, pearl, and moonstone rings, but I have funny little tiny fingers with knobbly knuckles and there were few in my size. Luckily this one was a perfect fit and we both loved it. And the Fox's ring was pretty easy to pick out; he knew he wanted a Celtic-patterned band, and DragonSpace had plenty of options for him. His ring size is twice that of mine!

It was fun to pick them out. I really love all the jewellery at that shop. It's all so gorgeous! (And reasonably priced!)

Since a lot of people have asked me for the "engagement story," I'll make a quick note of it here. It wasn't really anything romantic or elaborate, though. We were basically just hanging out on Fox's bed, having a chat about this and that. He said that something sad had just happened to us, but I can't remember what it was specifically. We were having a deep chat, anyway, as we do, and he said, "I don't have a ring or anything, but..." And of course I knew what was coming then.

I wasn't expecting that so soon; we've only been dating for about a year and a few months now! However, I wasn't particularly shocked. We do live together, after all, and we always talk about the future and what we want out of life. (Still trying to figure that part out, to be honest, but we're on the same page anyway!) So I agreed.

I never really thought I would get married, to be perfectly truthful! I've always been of an independent nature (as far as I can remember), and a bit of a hermit... but I thought, what if I regret it one day? Deliberately locking myself away in a cave? Sure, maybe I would have the time and energy to perfect my craft and become a famous artist or whatever. But would that really matter much if I hadn't given other things in my life a chance to flourish and develop? Happiness has to do with other people; I think it's pretty hard to be truly happy if you deliberately choose to avoid love because it's risky or because it takes a lot of effort and time.

I did look to the example of my own parents for this one. Not least because the Fox reminds me of my own dad in some ways! I thought of my mom, and how alike we are sometimes. She likes to be alone, too, and do her own things (reading, music, etc.), and she is so clever and talented that I have no doubt she could have done anything she wanted to do. Yet she decided to settle down and have a family. I have never once thought that she has regretted that decision; it seems that we all make her quite happy! And I'm certainly glad she decided to have a family, ha!

So, I figure, if my mom did it, she's probably on to something, and I should give that whole thing a shot too. I also thought of the "triple goddess" symbolism in paganism. The three stages of the moon; waxing, full, and waning; they relate to the triple goddess, the maiden, the mother, and the crone. I still consider myself to be in the maiden stage, because I'm sure not a mother yet! However, it got me thinking, and it does make a certain sense, for me anyways. I do believe you can totally still relate to those phases without physically being a mother, though. Some people never get married and have children, and that's a completely valid and respectable choice (especially with the overcrowding of our planet in this day and age). But I thought about the biology courses I took, and life in general. If I am really looking to nature for guidance and inspiration, why should I shun the opportunity to gain a life partner and (potentially, one day) procreate? It's what all the other life on Earth strives for; continuation of species. And although I don't think it necessarilly has to be the primary goal of every person, there is a certain importance and sort of... basicness about it. (That's not a word.)

What I'm trying to clumsily say is that I don't want to limit myself and miss out on new and different joys and experiences just because I didn't expect them to ever happen to me. I never thought I would travel to so many different countries, either, but here I am, having been to France, Germany, Switzerland, Ireland, England... and I'm all the better for it.

So I guess that's the news of the moment!

We received so many congratulations from all our friends and family. It was fun to post in on Facebook and watch the notifications roll in. I kind of bungled the announcement at Thanksgiving, unfortunately. We sort of had a half-thought-out plan to just wear the rings and see who noticed first, but that didn't really work out, because my rings were noticed, but since I tend to wear a lot of different jewellery, it was just thought that I had a pretty new ring! I practically waved it in my mom's face and pointed at my ring finger until she realized what I was trying to articulate. At which point she got excited and told me to make an announcement to everyone, but then I felt kind of awkward and shy and I couldn't bring myself to call everyone's attention, so the news kind of just jumped from person to person. Hah!! We should have just waited until dinner and called a toast or something. Oh well... everyone was happy for us, regardless!

We don't have a date or any specific wedding plans yet. I want to get done with my second round of schooling first, so we have a better income and a bit more stability, hopefully, so as to actually afford a wedding. We would like to have a medieval/fantasy-themed wedding, to a degree, because that would just be awesome. Sometime within the next five years, hopefully!

I guess that's all for now; other than that I've just been working, as usual. Doing a bit of art when I can. I'm working on a drawing of an iguana for my dad's birthday, which I need to finish within the next couple days actually, so I should really work on that now.

Until next time, beloved readers...

The crooked path

Above: found this photo in a folder in my computer titled "Hiking Adventures." I think it's in a park not too far from where I live. The path symbolism is relevant, ok?

***

Merry meet, readers! It's a misty, rainy day outside. Perfect for tea, blogging, and art. And cleaning the bathroom later... blargh.

Almost two weeks since my last post! I have been busy. Last weekend I was off to the island again, with the Fox this time. His grandfather passed away, so we attended the memorial service in Courtenay. The service itself was... interesting... thanks to a certain inappropriate uncle... but I won't talk about that here. It was nice to meet some of the Fox's family, though he's not as close with that side. The drive from Nanaimo to Courtenay was beautiful. Fall colours everywhere in the trees, and the weather was gorgeous. It's so pretty over there! Sigh...

Anyway, so that was fine. I had to take the Saturday off for it. I think I'd better not take any more days off for a while. I'm beginning to worry about money a bit. I suppose I could always ask for another weekly shift at work, but it's so much better having three days off a week. I feel a lot more rested and productive. Speaking of which...

I've been doing a bit of art the past couple days. I did something for an upcoming birthday (it's a secret!), and I also did some ink drawing last night. There's this thing called "Inktober," apparently, in which you do an ink drawing for every day of the month. All the artists I know are participating, so of course I wanted to as well. I know I won't have time to do an ink drawing every day in October, but I can do some! So I did a little drawing last night based on a character in a book series I really like. (The Bartimaeus Trilogy!)

This was important because I actually stayed up until 2am drawing... something I haven't done in a long time. It felt like the muse was back. The feeling that I've been trying to recapture for many months, even years, was with me! It was a very exciting moment for me, as I am in "creative recovery" mode and have been actively trying to get excited about art again.

What's funny is that I still haven't picked up the Artist's Way again, not since before Faerieworlds. So, either it did its thing in the early stages, or this is just the first glimmer of recovery and I should keep making my way through the course.

I'm not expecting miracles right away, of course... I know that the muse is often flighty even at the best of times. However, it was inspiring to be inspired again.

I had the pleasure of visiting with an old friend on Sunday, a fellow artist who I met in graphic design school. After our graduation she went on to take the 2D animation program at the same university. Sometimes I wonder if I might have benefited from that path as well. It probably would have suited me much better than graphic design. But I guess it wasn't my path at the time. I don't think I'll attend more art-related school at this point; I think I just want to do my own stuff now.

That being said, I saw a kind of parallel universe when I visited her lovely little new apartment. She is working at an animation studio downtown, and presumably making the money to pay for her new place by doing that. I am very happy for her, and she deserves it all (she's a wonderful artist and hard worker), but I did kind of wonder what I did wrong, so to speak. I mean, we started off pretty much the same, but now I'm working at a grocery store and she's working as a layout artist. Obviously, the two more years of animation school had something to do with it... and the fact that she has put much more time into her art than I have, to be perfectly honest. I think I could be successful in that field, if I put as much time and energy and passion into it as she has, but I haven't.

And why not, you ask? I don't think it's out of laziness. I'll give myself more credit than that! I just don't really know if I would be happy in that kind of work. By the sounds of it, there is a lot of overtime and staying late at the studio. I did that in university and it made me rather unhealthy. I was eating badly and I didn't have a social life at all. Also, I like to have a variety of hobbies... but if I am always at work, there would be no time for anything else. I'm not sure that's for me. I love art, yes, but I love other parts of life too...

And animation isn't really something I've been particularly drawn too. I love illustration, and spending a lot of time on one piece. That's where my happy zone is. Animation involves a lot of rough work, a lot of sketches and in-betweens and layouts, not a lot of polished, finished stuff that you can hang on a wall. I see myself as more of a traditional artist that way.

What I would like more than being cooped up in an animation studio would be to take my art and sell it at craft fairs in the form of greeting cards, prints, and things like that. Or maybe at local shops. I've talked about this before, but I think that would be more satisfying to me than working on someone else's TV show or movie. Not that there's anything wrong with that, of course! But I want my art to be my own, from my own imagination. That's what makes it special to me.

Anyway. That was a lot of rambling about nothing in particular. But I guess the point is that my path is crooked for a reason, and though I might look at other's paths and feel envy because their paths seem smoother or prettier or more admirable, in the end I have to follow my own wherever it might lead, and keep walking towards my own personal meadows. (Sorry, that was cheesy.)

I might be envious of my friend's apartment at first, but thinking about it more, I'm not sure it would be the best thing for me. It's a skyscraper, very modern, in a suburb but still very much an urban area... and my dreams nowadays have more to do with trees and birds and quiet sunrises in the forest than they do with shiny countertops and cityscapes and 24-hour coffee shops a block away. I think I would really enjoy it at first, and then I would start to miss nature more and more. I already need more nature in my life, and I live next to a pretty golf course.

So in a way it comes down to lifestyle. A job in animation or the film industry (the glamorous jobs, the "dream jobs," the ones that artists sometimes are told to strive towards) demands a lot of things that I'm not sure I would be ready to give. They demand most of your time and energy, and they usually demand that you live in the city because that's where all the studios are... and they demand that your creative energy be used for whatever project is on the table at the moment. Which some people thrive on; I just don't think I'm one of those people.

And even as I say all this, there's a part of me that still thinks I'm saying it because I'm a failure, and I'm trying to make myself feel better about not having the drive or the passion to actually pursue a career in the commercial arts. It's a nasty thought that keeps popping up in my head that I'm really just trying to cover up my failures by switching my focus (as I plan to go back to school to train as a medical laboratory assistant). That way, I don't have to admit that I've failed! Or that's what the dark side of my brain says to me.

But actually, I don't think that's true. I think it has actually something to do with societal pressure. I've read a lot of articles that have been popping up lately on the whole subject of "dream careers." This idea of following your passion hasn't really been around that long. It's a new concept in the scheme of things. For most of human history people have worked so that they could support themselves and/or their families, not so they could do what they love and get paid for it. The concept that settling for anything less than your idea of a perfect job means that you are a coward or lazy or unambitious is a dangerous and unhealthy one. There's so much pressure on young people do follow their dreams (which, let's face it, are often in the creative fields, because those are the most fun, the most glamorous, or the jobs that make your parents the proudest) that now we have a lack of tradespeople, because instead of viewing practical careers as valuable and important, society now looks down on them as inferior to jobs such as songwriter, blogger, artist, actor, musician... inferior to jobs that create a following of fans for oneself.

I'm going on and on, I know. It's really rambly now. I should stop.

And I know I've talked about this before, but it comes up again and again in my mind. I do wonder if I'm making the right choices, or if I should have tried harder to pursue my "dreams." But then I wonder if my dreams were really ever my own dreams, or if they were the ones crafted for me in my Career Planning class because I liked to draw.

I guess I don't know what I really want to do in life, eh?

I do have my plan, and I think it feels right... but there's always that doubt. Am I doing what I'm meant to do? No one can answer that, can they? I mean, short of divine communication... (that would be pretty handy right now, actually... good thing there's a pagan group tonight)!

Maybe I can seek the answers in my newfound faith. I hate to call it a faith, because to me that word implies that I believe in everything working out on its own. I don't believe that, really... I believe we are the only ones who can change ourselves and our lives. (And I don't mean to say that it's that simple for everyone. For example, for a person living in poverty in a third world country... I'm sure that person would love to have the ability to change their life for the better, but it's just not always possible, because they aren't allowed the opportunity to take any action towards improvement. I'm mostly speaking metaphorically of my own society, because this is the society I know.)

Anyway, what I'm trying to say there is that "faith" is the wrong word for what this whole paganism thing is about for me. It's more about tapping into our inner power, connecting to the universal life energy, and other such new-age nonsense. Haha. I do believe in some sort of unseen power/energy, and I think that if we can learn to tap into it we can become better, stronger, more stable, more confident people.

So that was a whole lot of words about a bunch of different things. I'm not very good at coherency, am I?

I'm going to go do some more art. At least I can do that!

Farewell for now, readers!