Above: Nairn Falls, where we went camping the week before last!
Good morning readers!
Happy Lughnasadh to you all! This festival marks the beginning of harvest season. I can't believe it's already August. I feel like the summer is slipping by way too quickly. However, that's also good for me, because the sooner September comes, the sooner I'll be in school!
I was writing last time about how I left a note for my boss at work and I was worried she might react badly. Turns out my fears were totally unfounded and she was actually really supportive and happy for me. I don't know why I expected anything less; I mean, she is a professional, and obviously cares about my overall well-being, and not just what's best for the store.
I guess I was nervous because of the experiences I've had with past bosses. I've quit a number of jobs for a number of reasons, and usually it was for going back to school or travel, but some I had to quit because they were horrible. For example, I worked at a chocolate shop for a while in 2012/2013. It was a family-owned business, and the owner was also the head chocolatier. He was a very unstable man. I don't know what it is about professional chefs, but I find they're often slightly insane. This guy was obviously passionate about his shop and his craft, but the way he was trying to run it was just totally nuts. Micromanagement to the degree of telling me how to properly wipe a counter, and demanding that I keep a time log of every single task so he could figure out how long it was taking me to do certain things... and I was only a simple barista/sales associate.
I think the thing that bothered me most was that he would pick certain people to pick on, and constantly be yelling at them. One of these people was his wife, who took care of the bookkeeping. I can't tell you how awkward it was to have to stand there while he screamed at and patronized his wife. He regularly drove employees to tears under the guise of trying to "help them". He was a good manipulator; he would tear a person down and make them feel like he was doing it out of love. In reality, he was a controlling, egotistical person who loved to feel like he was a great teacher.
Anyway... quitting that job was extremely awkward. I'd been "promoted" into the office assistant/graphic design position when the one who had been doing that job moved across the country, and I hated it because there was no real training and I had no idea what I was supposed to be doing most of the time. I knew how to do the graphic design, but everything else was just total chaos. At the time my confidence level was not what it is now (I'm still not the most confident person in the world but it's better than it was), and out of a desire to do my job well, I stressed myself out constantly by trying to figure out what to do on my own. It got to the point where I dreaded going to work daily, and that is a horrible feeling.
All the while, the owner was trying to make it seem like a challenge for me instead of admitting that it was chaotic. It's pretty manipulative to appeal to someone's work ethic to get them to try and do the impossible. You know how it is -- they ask you "can you handle it?" or "are you the one to tackle this challenge?" And out of a desire to prove yourself worthy, you rise to the so-called challenge, even though you know it's insanity what you're doing and you can't possibly fix the situation. And then when you eventually have enough and quit... that's when they tell you they're disappointed in you and they're sad you don't want to grow as a person.
Yep, he actually told me those things when I quit. Even though I knew by then that this job would get me nowhere I wanted to be, and it would just cause me awful stress as long as I was there, he made it seem like I was a coward or a quitter. Luckily by then I'd fully recognized his level of craziness and I was able to realize that in fact I was not a quitter, but I was simply someone who no longer wanted to put up with a toxic work environment.
I think the moment of enlightenment was when he took me into his office and talked at me (yes, at me) for over an hour to try and get me inspired to do the job. (He regularly wasted time by just babbling nonsense at his employees for hours on end -- sometimes, ironically, he would waffle about the importance of time management.) He went so far as to try and draw metaphors between the work and my own personal interests. He knew I liked fantasy stories like Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter, and for some reason he used that to try and draw a parallel to the workplace, in order to inspire me to stick with it. I don't remember exactly what he was drawing similarities between, but it was just so weird and out there that I realized he was actually off his rocker.
Walking out of there on my last day I felt a million pounds lighter (and not just because I had to stop eating the reject chocolates)! I actually took a minimum-wage coffee shop job rather than stick with this higher-paying one at the chocolate shop, because my sanity is more important than money. It was a good decision to leave, and even though the coffee shop wasn't a permanent solution, at least it got me away from that hell hole.
Anyway... the whole point being, I guess I was still slightly traumatized by that experience when it came time to put my notice in at my current job, so I was a bit nervous. However, my boss was lovely about it. She gave me a congratulations card and everything. I know she's sad to see me go because, well, I'm a good employee, but she is also a rational and reasonable person and knows that most people don't want to work in retail forever. She also already knew I was on a waiting list for school, so that helped.
So that's that. My last day at the store will be September 16th, as I start school on the following Monday. Yay!
Last weekend I went up to my new school to hand over some documents for my admission requirements (mainly, the proof of my negative tuberculosis chest x-ray), get my student ID, and find my classroom. Since I haven't really been around the campus that much I wanted to at least get a feel for where I'll be heading every day. It's a lot bigger than I realized at first, as previously I'd only seen the registrar's office and information desk; there are several different buildings, and they're really nice actually. I found my classroom within the health care building, where there are mock hospital rooms and nursing units that I am guessing are for the nursing students to train in. My room was full of students when I had a peek in; I guess they are from the January intake.
I've been watching this sitcom called Community which centers around a bunch of students at a community college, so it's kind of funny for me to pretend that it's an accurate reflection of the community college experience (even though it's totally just nonsense -- kind of like how Scrubs is a nonsensical version of what it's like to work at a hospital). I'm truthfully proud to be going there. Like I said in my last post, it feels like a second chance, and it's been years in coming. When I started this blog, I was still working on the prerequisites for the program. I'm so happy it's come to fruition now and I actually managed to get myself here. It feels like a good accomplishment.
Nothing new on the art front... I had a piece in that art show, but it didn't sell, unfortunately. I don't think the gallery is run very well. Turns out it's only open by appointment, so it doesn't really get a lot of traffic. So I'm out almost $90 on that because of the cost of framing and entry fee to the show. Frustrating! I don't think I'll be entering any more gallery shows for a while, at least not at that gallery anyway, and not ones that have submission fees. I feel like galleries are kind of outdated in some ways, and my work isn't really the type that fits in most of them anyway. Most galleries downtown are filled with modern art, landscapes, or first nations art, because that's what sells. And that's totally fine, I mean, artists have to do what's best for them and their work, and galleries are great for a lot of professional artists. For me, not so much. Oh well -- it was an interesting experience, and I ended up getting a little bit of rebuilding bridges done between me and my art friend, as she also had a piece in the show. We connected over a mutual weird-vibes-feeling for the gallery owner, haha.
I haven't had time for much else, but I have also sort of fallen off the wagon again when it comes to my art. I really need to practice and sketch more regularly, because there are certain things I need to improve on if I want my art to look the way I see in my head, stuff like anatomy and style that only comes with practice and study. It always seems that something else takes precedence. If anyone out there has hints on how to get on track with this sort of thing, I'd love to hear them!
I have a couple books I should really read through. There's one on accomplishing goals in 15 minutes a day that I should pick up again. Its whole thing is that even 15 minutes a day can get you much further than you think. And I know it's true, but it's hard to get over the feeling that unless I have a bunch of time I won't be able to get anything of value done. Which is nonsense, of course.
Speaking of getting things done, though -- yesterday was a super productive day for both me and the Fox. I spent the morning with my sister in the forest as she's going back to Cayman soon and I won't see her til next summer. When I came home, I did a cleaning spree because our place was a bit chaotic and I had some friends coming over (the ones who are coming to FaerieWorlds with us this year). It was good -- got all the dishes done, tidied, did laundry... even vacuumed! And all the while, the Fox was working on clearing out his room, which we were planning on turning into an office/studio, but we might leave it as his bedroom now because he tried sleeping on the bed instead of the couch and it worked out well for him. He's been sleeping on the couch because of the vertigo (having the couch back to lean against seemed to help ground him), but recently he has had so much trouble sleeping that he decided to try the bed again, and it seems to be working. So we might just keep that bed around. (We keep each other awake if we sleep in the same bed, and I have to get up so early for work that a bad sleep always makes both of us tired and grumpy!)
Anyway, it feels great to get some stuff clean and tidy around here. I just hate having a messy, chaotic home... it makes me stressed out! Generally, I'd rather just spend time cleaning and organizing and feel better about it, rather than attempting to relax in the middle of a mess.
I really need to mop the floors, but... heh. That's one thing that doesn't really bother me, so it's hard to work up the motivation to do it!
So I did make my new blog for pagan stuff -- here's the link! Only one introductory post so far. I tried to take some notes for a post while we were camping, but I didn't get much done. I want to start with the basics, like the history and meaning of the word "pagan" and why I'm attracted to the whole thing. I'll probably stop talking very much about pagan stuff here from now on; this will just be a general life-experiences blog.
Camping, by the way, was great. It did rain for some of the time, and was cloudy/windy for a lot of it too, but we didn't let than stop us from having an awesome time! Two of my friends came with us, so J drove her car and I drove ours (otherwise, no room for tents and supplies in the car). We camped for 5 nights. It was wonderful to just sit around in nature. We did do a little bit of hiking and such like, but mostly we just sat around and relaxed. Lots of campfires. I made some s'mores for a family from France who were staying in the campground, as they had helped me pump some water, and they liked them a lot. A true Canadian experience! I had fun driving the highway; road trips are fun.
Let's see... what else is new... I guess that's about it for now. I know certain family members have been waiting for me to update this blog so hopefully this makes them happy. ;)
Looking forward to starting school. Can't wait to be working in the field! Hoping that I take to it and enjoy it!!
Until next time, have a lovely day and enjoy the summer!
