Waiting around for what?

Readers! I've decided to start including a photo that I've taken with each blog post. I want to make it a little more visually interesting as well as a little more personal. So there's the first one... I took it several years ago when I lived with my friends in a 100-year old house.

On to the real stuff...

Sometimes I get the feeling I'm waiting for something. Especially recently. I know what it is... I'm awaiting the return of the all-important "inspiration." This is the whole point of me doing this Artist's Way course, right? To get my inspiration back.

But then... I have a funny feeling that it's not going to just snap back into place and suddenly everything is going to be all good. I've been thinking. Some say that the muse is the driving force behind their art, and some say they're divinely inspired or see their art in visions... well, that's the dream, anyway, but for me I think it's going to be a little different. I think I need to be the one to discover my inspiration, not wait for it to discover me.

The thing is, I'm waiting for something that's not going to happen unless I stop waiting and start doing art. Even if I don't feel inspired, even if I have no ideas, even if it's not going well or looks awful or for whatever other reason comes up that allows me to stop doing it. The universe helps those who help themselves, right? All this waiting to be inspired is only keeping me from continuing my journey into art. I need to learn to work without inspiration, and to allow it to find me along the way. Doing art is not magic; the magic is found in the act of doing art.

Well, now I've got that epiphany off my chest...!

I do have some ideas of things I'd like to draw, so I can't just sit around and wait until I feel like doing it. I need to start them, now. My muse can catch up later; I don't have time to wait around for her any longer!

It's always a good feeling to realize that your life is truly up to you to shape. Even though it's scary and looming and disheartening... I believe our lives are really in our own hands and we have the power to change them. We can't afford to leave it all in the hands of some faceless god or other sort of faith. It's the same as waiting around for someone else to solve things for you, or in my case, waiting around for inspiration to strike. If I keep on doing this, I'm going to be always waiting and never doing. And that would be a sad thing.

Yes, I have my faith, but in paganism, it's taught that we are the ones who are in charge of using the power that is present within ourselves and all around us. We don't pray to some other entity to please make this happen or that happen; we roll up our sleeves and make it happen ourselves! (A little offering to your spirit of choice doesn't hurt, just for good luck... heh.) In all the books I've read, it teaches that we have to take action in our own lives in order to change them, even as we pray to the universe for a little helping hand. We can't just expect things to happen to us if we don't take the steps to make those things happen.

See how philosophical I am sometimes? Hah. Anyway. That's my thought for the day.

In other news, it's been a while since my last post. I've changed a couple things in my life. Mainly, I'm dialling back my work schedule so that I'll work 4 days a week instead of 5. After listening to a friend's advice (not before getting angry at her about it; the truth can make you mad sometimes), I realized that 40 hours a week is just a bit too much for me at the moment. I've had health issues to deal with as well as a ton of extra housework due to my invalid Fox, and it's just been catching up to me a lot. I've not had much time to myself.

It's funny, because on the very day I was finally thinking about how to ask my boss if I could do a 4-day week, I overheard a co-worker saying how she wanted to work at least one more day a week. It was pretty good timing. I asked her if she wanted my Monday shifts and she said yes, so now I get three days off a week. I'm still considered full-time at 32 hours, which is good, because I want the benefits that come with being full-time. I'm going to have to be more careful with how much I spend, though. That's the drawback, of course. However, at this point I think focusing on myself and my self-care is more important than having extra money. I'll just have to be more frugal.

So that's a good change, I think. The Artist's Way book stresses the importance of having time to yourself, time to fill the well as they call it. Meaning, time devoted to just being, just doing whatever it is you feel like doing, whether that's going for a walk or playing a video game or organizing your room. I've been neglecting my personal time for a while and it hasn't been doing me any favours.

I've scheduled a doctor's appointment for tomorrow to hopefully look into why I've been so run down and all that too. (I've been getting every cold, feeling very tired, generally just not feeling well for more than a month.) I want to make sure I'm healthy and that these symptoms are just a result of being overworked and stressed, and not the result of some underlying condition.

What else... hmm... I guess that's all for the moment. Back to work tomorrow, but now my week seems more manageable. It's broken up into three days, then a day off, then another day, then my two days off. I plan to use my Mondays to catch up on all the housework, grocery shopping, etc. and also hopefully do some cooking and food prep for the week ahead so I can bring lunches to work instead of buying whatever's on the menu in the deli.

It's been a bit of a tough ride recently, but with a lot of good in there too. The Fox and I are doing well together and I value our relationship greatly. He's got his stuff to work on and I've got mine (in an artistic sense, I mean!), so we alternate between spending time together and giving each other space to do our own thing, which is important for me. Right now "my stuff" is only referring to little things like reading, writing in this blog, doing the Artist's Way coursework... but that time is still important to me. And I am going to integrate art into my life more, even if I don't feel like I'm ready. I'll never be ready if I don't just start doing it. That's my lesson right now.

Better be off to do some of those things, now!