So do all who live to see such times

Above: a lovely scarlet macaw seen at a local conservatory the other week. Has nothing to do with the blog post, but it's pretty, so... yeah.

Good evening readers!

I was working on a post last week, but then got distracted after we got some bad news: my fiancee's disability application was declined by the government. He has been surviving off savings since he was forced to stop working in July, and we had been counting on him getting disability benefits as he is unable to do any sort of physical work due to his constant vertigo. However, now we have to come up with a new plan, and without delay! His savings won't last much longer, and I am not sure I can afford to pay the rent and bills all by myself.

I used to pay for our basement suite by myself when I lived here alone, but it was cheaper then because there was just me in it, and I also didn't have a car on which to pay insurance and gas and things. So costs have risen, but my income hasn't risen enough to cover those extra costs, I don't think. I have to admit I haven't sat down and worked out the numbers... I hate doing that stuff! But it might become necessary.

For now, I am taking all the shifts I can at work, and may start looking for small design jobs on the side, like logos and business card designs and whatnot for clients. I used to do a little of that here and there when I was in school and then after I graduated, but I really don't enjoy it. However, I guess I'm no longer in a position to say no to paid work if it's something I can actually do.

I have been looking over my old design portfolio to see if I can pull together enough to apply to in-house graphic design jobs. (In-house meaning part of an art or marketing department within a bigger company.) I think this is the only sort of design job I would be qualified for. I'm definitely no contender for ad agencies or design firms, which I would detest anyways. But I just might be able to swing an in-house design job. I had a few interviews after I graduated for such positions, and although I didn't actually get any of them, I think that being invited to have an interview is a good sign. I almost got one at a tool company, but they decided to go with someone with more experience... and I almost had a job as a book designer at a children's book publisher, which I was at the time very excited about, but I didn't get that one either. (It all works out in the end... if I had got that one I would have moved to Victoria and probably would never have met the Fox.)

Anyway! So I'm taking steps to try and get a better-paying job. Even though I don't really want to be in graphic design, it would be better than working at a grocery store. I don't hate my job, but it's not exactly fun either, and the pay is turning out to be not enough.

The bakery manager actually asked me the other day if I would be interested in taking on a bigger role in the bakery department, as she will be doing some organizational work on a company-wide basis. I assumed this meant a promotion, but now I'm not sure. I haven't heard anything more about it. I don't get to work with her directly any more unless it's inventory day and we're both there, or it's a Tuesday and the other girl is away. I should probably ask her what's going on with that though. If it is a promotion then it will most likely include a pay raise, so that would be very welcome. Even if it turns out to be a couple more shifts in the bakery per week that would be preferable. I like working the bakery better than the deli... it's more low-key, more organized, less customer service-focused, and I get to work pretty much by myself. Plus I'm more comfortable with my knowledge in that department. I'm forever being asked questions I don't know the answers to in the deli, partially due to a lack of standardized training in terms of our product knowledge. I still don't know which fritter is which.

Anyway... back to the original point... we're not destitute yet! The Fox is applying to a mobile game developer that I found on Craigslist. I've had good luck finding work for him on Craigslist before, ha. If that works out, then we'll be sorted. He can handle computer work because it's not very physical and there's not a lot of standing/walking involved, which are the main culprits for the vertigo symptoms to worsen.

Man... I am just sitting here blowing my nose and sneezing over and over. I've had such bad congestion for weeks now. Argh! It's like having really terrible allergies, except that whatever this is has lasted far longer than any allergies I've ever had. Plus it's not the season for allergies anyway. I'm beginning to think that there's something in our house that is making me congested. Invisible mold? Is there such a thing? I mean, it's sort of dusty down here, but I've lived here for years without problems up until a few months ago. Allergy pills do nothing, nasal spray does nothing. I might resort to one of those Netti pot things... though I don't like the idea of pouring water through my head... but, I'm starting to get desperate. I have woken up with a sore throat every single morning for weeks, because I can't breathe through my nose at all at night. At all. It just seems to turn into a cement block as soon as I lay down. It's very frustrating and uncomfortable.

Let's see... what else is now? I was doing really well with my personal art up until when we got the news about the declined disability thing. I've just been spending my time tending to my old graphic design junk and being stressed out about it instead of doing any art for myself. I feel like a dog who was running ahead and suddenly got yanked back to where I was by the tug of a leash. Too much time spent working and grocery shopping and cleaning and all those other dumb things that are necessary to survival. And with added pressure to make as much money as I can, I feel like I have to start doing those damn logos again for people. I would almost rather get a second retail job.

Now that I've been getting back into my own art for its own sake again, it's hard to care about doing art (or design) according to someone else's ideals. I think I'm more of a fine artist that way, as opposed to a commercial artist... I just don't care about the money, really. I actually proved that to myself recently. I randomly got a call from a graphic designer who wanted some illustrations for a project she was doing for her client. It seems that she picked up a business card of mine at our grad show (three years ago, mind) and just now decided to give me a call. I was rather surprised, as I only really ever got one client as a result of that grad show. But, she told me what she wanted: ten different spot illustrations to be put into an infographic on the subject of logging/timber/reforestation/wood buildings. Or something along those lines. Anyway, included in the ten subjects were three different buildings, and she wanted it done in a photorealistic style.

I'm not sure if she even looked at my website, but I have never drawn a photorealistic building in my life. For one because I haven't had reason to, and for two because it doesn't interest me, at all. I mostly draw wildlife and different little monsters and creatures, and fantasy stuff. Buildings? Yuck! It sounded horrible. I would have had a terrible time doing it. So, I responded to her and said that I would be happy to do the natural elements (the ones including trees and logs) but that I was the wrong artist to ask for the drawings of buildings. Even though I knew that I could probably garner a lot of money for doing it, and that I could probably figure out how to draw a building or two without that much trouble. But that's not why I do art! I don't know how the idea of having to make money with my artistic skill got so ingrained into my brain. I think it was maybe in high school, when I had to take those useless career planning classes. Every career that was suggested to me was in art. No one ever said anything about doing what you love because you love to do it; it was all doing what you love as long as you can make a living of it. Therefore I never considered having a career that was separate from my passion. It just wasn't encouraged! We were all supposed to reach for our dreams. Do they really think that their graduates are all going to be famous actors and rock stars and successful writers and Disney animators? Where are we going to get all the plumbers and janitors and receptionists and cabinetmakers and accountants? I ask you...

I can't start talking about that, because I could go on for hours and it's already 12:32am and I didn't get to sleep until 3am last night because of the congestion and then I woke up with a giant headache and totally dehydrated and had a rough day because of it...

I had better just go to bed now, actually!!

I'll be ok, readers. Just going through a bit of a hairy time at the moment...

Bright blessings! (Still feels weird to say that...)