Life, the universe, and everything

Above: a magical little spot I discovered by accident last weekend...

Hello, friends! I'm so sorry it's been more than a month since I posted! Argh... busy!! I have been busy with work, friends, family, and just life in general these days.

Hope you all had a nice Beltane / May Day! I didn't really get a chance to celebrate much, but my pagan group will be having a belated little Beltane meeting this Wednesday so at least there's that.

I've been doing pretty well, all things considered. I have been having some health weirdness going on, nothing too extreme, but just little things that I think have been around for a long while and I'm just now picking up on them. Like random abdominal pain, especially when I'm underslept (which is pretty much all the time except for my days off). I'm thinking I might want to get tested for celiac disease, because my mom has it and it's a bit hereditary. I got a blood test for it a few years ago but nothing came of that. Apparently the blood test isn't completely accurate all the time though, so I want to get re-tested by someone who will actually follow up with me, rather than a random doctor at the walk-in clinic who just wants to move on to the next person in line.

So I'm trying to find a family doctor, which is proving difficult. Hoping to find one soon so I can find out one way or the other! It would suck to have celiac disease but if I at least knew about it then I could take the steps to manage it. My symptoms aren't really that bad, so it could just be the fact that I don't sleep enough or I don't eat very healthily... I have a feeling I would feel better overall if I improved on those things! However, I also want to rule it out because even if there are no symptoms, if you have celiac disease and eat foods containing gluten anyway, your intestine is continually damaged and it could lead to more serious problems. Better to know one way or the other.

I think the last doctor I saw about it didn't really take it seriously, because my symptoms weren't really bad. Which is silly, because a doctor should know that sometimes it can be asymptomatic.

Anyway, there's that. I would like a family doctor anyway just because it's been so long since I had one.

In others news, I've been working on my art, but it's slow going. At least I'm working on it!! I really wish I had more time, but I know that I could make more time if I manage it better. That is a continual struggle for me.

I joined a new committee at work: the Art Committee! We're supposed to be in charge of making the store look pretty, with signage and decoration and stuff. The thing is, it's not supposed to interfere with our regular duties... and I realized that last week it kind of did, because the only chance I had to work on the art committee stuff was the time that I usually spend entering all the invoices into the computer... so that didn't get done. I feel like we need to set aside time that isn't during our regular shifts in order to get this done, but of course they don't want to pay us overtime (tightwads). One of the members says she doesn't mind taking stuff home to work on, but I certainly mind. If I did that I would be working for free, because we don't get paid for that sort of extra work. So there's no way I would agree to that! It might take a while to get figured out how we are going to do this extra work during our regular days. I'm glad I didn't sign on to be a chair. Ha! That certain person I mentioned just now immediately volunteered to be a chair of the committee, and when no one else did right away, commented that she must be the only one with ambition. Um... really?

That leads me to another train of thought. I don't think that ambition is the same as wanting to be a leader. In fact, I think I could do a better job of being a chair than she, truth be told -- and I'm not just saying that. I didn't volunteer for it because I know I'm not willing to put that much of my energy into it. Maybe if they were offering to pay us extra or something, but the current situation is already adding extra work in the same amount of time for us, for the same pay, so why would I want to take on even more? You might think that means I'm obsessed with money -- nope, it just means I know the value of my own work and I'm not willing to give it away for free. I've already learned that people will take advantage of it more often than they will be appreciative of it. Going through commercial art school has taught me to put the appropriate value on my work and I'm glad of it. I've spent years learning my craft (and not being paid for that, I might add -- no one paid me to learn how to draw, in fact, I paid to take lessons and classes in it), and to freely give it away now would just be crazy.

Some artists would disagree and say that they just want their work to be shared with the world, or they're doing it for the sake of art. I say, great! Just make sure you have another source of income, because that's how starving artists happen! And don't look down on other artists who recognize that their work does have monetary value. You wouldn't expect an author to give away their novels for free, would you? So why do people think that art should be free?

That's a whole can of worms. I had a recent experience with this that kind of annoyed me, too. I posted a little caricature drawing of my fiance on Facebook, and got a lot of positive comments, which of course is always nice to hear! But one person responded with, "Oh, do me, do me!" I know she didn't meant to be rude, but I really did find it rude -- it felt like a demand. And of course I just knew that she didn't expect that I would want money for this sort of thing. Obviously since I did one for fun, it means I should do a whole bunch just for fun, and for free. (It was a birthday gift, by the way.)

So I responded with a polite suggestion that she could commission me if she so desired. And she responded quite cheerfully and politely, but of course I never heard back about it. She wanted my art, but not if she had to pay for it.

And people wonder why it's so hard to have a career in art...

I don't blame her for that, since I know she didn't mean it to be rude. It's just kind of ironic at the same time, because she herself recently started a small craft business where she makes a certain type of accessory, and I'm sure everyone would be shocked and insulted if I had the gall to ask for her stuff for free. Why is art so different?

So, there you go. My ongoing struggle with art! Sometimes this "gift" feels like a curse. But at the same time I am thankful to be an artist, because it can be so satisfying and so much fun. In any case I realize that I don't really have a choice anymore. ;) I've tried to run from it, but nope... I'll always go back to doing art!

Now maybe you see why it's frustrating that people continually say "ahh you should be doing something with your art!" Well, I can't pay the rent by doing art, especially when the general public doesn't see why they should pay artists for their work! I know it is possible to live off art... but I don't have the business sense for it. And it takes years to build up the sort of income that would be enough to live on -- I need income now. And that means having a full-time job, which leaves little time and energy left to do art... so, yeah. It's challenging at times.

Maybe I just need to stop complaining and do more art.

Well, in any case, I definitely need to go get dressed and do the dishes. There is a veritable mountain of them, again, and the house is a mess... sigh.

Hoping for some sort of change soon! At the same time, trying to be thankful for all the lovely things I do have, like a wonderful family and good friends and my loving fiance and my relatively good health. And the gift of these gorgeous sunny days (though I hope it will rain during the night times because of the risk of forest fires)!

Hail and farewell!