Frosted flakes

Above: An unusual amount of snow on the golf course...

Good afternoon, friends!

It's been over a month since my last post. I've been very busy with school, just like I said last time... still true though! My Christmas break ended up being much too exciting for my liking. Had to take the Fox in to the ER because of a bad reaction to a prescription drug (he's fine, but better safe than sorry),  and we also both came down with an awful Norovirus, lovingly given to us on Christmas by his family. Argh... so all the stuff I wanted to get done didn't really get done. However, I've made up for a lot of it by being productive on the weekends, in terms of getting rid of stuff, organizing, and starting to pack up stuff we don't need on a daily basis, like decorations.

I want to be ready to move on short notice if possible, because everything is still up in the air as far as the next couple of months. I'll be going to the island for my practicum in a matter of weeks, possibly (as far as I know, it's supposed to start February 20th, but I need to ask my teacher to double check for me because the other students who are doing their practicums at LifeLabs are starting later). And if I get a job right away (I hope!), I'll then need to find a place for us to live as soon as possible so I don't have to impose on my generous friend too much.

So, I'll have to juggle some stuff for the next little while. Can't wait until things are more settled! I like stability...

I've been thinking about art a lot lately, probably because I haven't had time to do any. I know that I probably need to wait until I graduate and get our situation sorted out before really getting back into it, but I've been doing a bit of sketching yesterday just to see if I still remember how to draw (not really). Haha.

I know that I need to figure out what direction I want to go in artistically. Up until now I have mostly just done wildlife art, but ultimately I want to do something more unique. I want to make more conceptual or symbolic art, not just drawings of regular animals doing regular animal things (as fun and pleasing as those can be). I think some self-reflection is in order for that. The Fox has been getting into the Tarot and other such pagan stuff recently, and it makes me want to get into it deeper too. The art I usually admire the most is rather totemic or symbolic, so that makes me think that that's the direction I should also take mine in.

That, or a whole lot of bird art... I don't get tired of drawing birds...

Anyway, on a related note -- I never sent that note I was talking about in my last post. "But why?" you ask? Well, I had every intention to... and then I went over to said friend's house to have an art date with her and another mutual friend, and I remembered why I ever had a problem with her in the first place. I can't support her work because her ego is too big for it, and she cares more about the number of Instagram followers she has than about the actual quality of her work...

Ok, that sounds harsh, doesn't it? You might think I'm still just being jealous and petty. But, hear me out. This is a person who is styling herself to be an expert after doing art for less than a couple of years. Seriously. Our mutual friend, who is also an artist, expressed the desire to try out some watercolour painting. Before I could even say a word, the first friend launched into a ten-minute lecture about which brand of paint is the best, which pigments are necessary and good, which paper is good to use and which sucks, which palettes are the nicest (she herself has one that cost over a hundred dollars -- for a piece of plastic!!), etc., etc.... and then instructed our poor mutual friend to begin by making pages and pages of swatches, a most useless exercise if ever there was one.

I kept my mouth shut -- never mind the fact that we all know I've been doing this for many years. My opinion was not asked for, so I did not give it. Rather, I quietly worked on my own painting, and within a few hours I had made (if I do say so myself) a painting which was more skillful than anything my friend has done. And I'm not saying that because I think I'm better, I'm saying it because it's true. No amount of watercolour skill or practice can hide a structurally unsound drawing. I have put in more blood, sweat, and tears, and therefore my work is of a higher standard. This friend of mine is doing her best to seem knowledgeable and professional by focusing on the tools of the trade, and by making sure she has the best quality of everything, but really, the tools do not make the artist -- you have to put in the effort, time, and passion. I think her reasons for doing art are questionable. She doesn't seem to care about the quality of her drawings, which is baffling. I can't support someone who tries to pass off work like that as professional. It's like putting a new coat of paint on a poorly built, crumbling house and trying to sell it for more than it's worth...

I don't know. I just suddenly realized as we sat there and as she bestowed her "wisdom" upon our mutual friend that she cared more about appearances than the actual craft. And that was repellant to me. I got to thinking, what if she actually had to have a job to pay the bills, instead of relying on her partner? Would she still do art in her spare time? This is something she picked up for the first time in the last few years. How can you suddenly have a passion for something so new to you? Wouldn't you have at least had an interest in it beforehand?

Not that I'm perfect, either. I know that I can be proud and stubborn (obviously!), but I like to think that I don't do art simply for the attention. It's something I have done all my life...

I don't know. I'm confusing myself all over again. It's not healthy for me to think about this so much. Logically, I know that whatever this friend does has no effect on me or my own work... but it seems to eat away at me. Maybe because I am not so good at the business side of things, and that is where she is better than me. You can market anything if you're good enough at marketing. Maybe I'm just frustrated that quality and effort don't seem to matter to the general public. If you put enough pretty colours on something, it can look great to the eyes of those who don't know anything else...

Obviously I haven't gotten anywhere with myself. I keep saying I'm getting closer to getting over this whole thing and it keeps coming back to bug me again! If anyone has an opinion, please feel free to share it... I feel like I could use an outside viewpoint or two...

I suppose have some more self-reflection to do in that regard. (This blog has best remain private and anonymous, now!!) In other news...

It's been snowing... a lot! As you can see from the photo at the top, there's a white blanket over everything this weekend. I managed to rear-end someone on Friday and smack up our car a little... everything still works, but the hood is bent and the headlight is cracked. I was so upset. Like, really upset. I love that car, and we really can't afford any repairs right now (no income, and all that)... arrgh. So, I'm less than pleased with this snow.

The Fox has another short-term contract (hence me trying to drive us both to work/school on Friday), which is great. We might actually be able to survive until I get a job now. Yay!

I've been trying this low FODMAP diet again, but sticking to it more this time. I think it might actually be helping. I seem to have less abdominal pain because of it... I need to stick to it for a few more weeks, I think, and then try reintroducing some foods. The first thing to reintroduce will be dairy, because I don't think dairy is a problem for me. Wheat will be next. Celiac disease, as well as IBS/Crohn's, run in my family, so if that is any indication, I might be sensitive to that.

Anyway, it's good that I've been mostly able to stick to it. Of course I haven't been perfect, but I've been pretty good.

Let's see... only a few more weeks of school, and then practicum. It seems like it's gone by so fast (probably because it has, being a 6 month program). I am actually excited to get back into the workforce (she said optimistically), because that means I won't have homework and studying anymore, which means that I can get back into all my hobbies and things. The Fox and I want to take some sort of creative writing class once we're all settled wherever we end up (hopefully either Victoria or the east coast of the island). I really like writing, actually. I seem to need some outside motivation for it, though... I never know what to write otherwise. I do have some half-formed ideas for novels, but I don't really know how to pull them together. Maybe a class will help with that.

And of course, getting back into my art. And getting more into the Tarot reading and witchy stuff. My poor pagan blog has been sadly neglected...

So, lots to do, and lots to think about... as usual!

That's all for now, I need to do my laundry and have a shower and possibly venture out on foot to go get some milk for us tea. I hate having almond milk in tea...

May the snowflakes fall gently upon thy head and may icicles not form on your nose!